Uncategorized

Bad-Bad

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

DemonLover

Where you been

Demon-Lover friend?

You left me again

Crawling up these walls

Clawing my nails into them

But I want them in your skin instead

It’s a fantasy so

Let’s play pretend

I know you aren’t my forever man

But let’s be bad

Come to my bed; slide on in

Fuck this being good

Holding all the tension in

I want to sin with you

Sink my hooks on in

Let you do what I want you to

Front door’s open

Just come in

Allow our fantasies to live

Sweat and passion and perfectness

There’s no room for humanness with you

But I don’t want to be human with you

Lets mix with the gods for an hour or two

Because the Mundane Tomorrow always comes

It always comes

Such a bitter truth

Tonight let’s smash through collective rules

Dive deep into our own depravity

Oh, this bondage of morality!

I’m tired of it, I’m just like you

See…

Either way we stay a slave to light or dark

So why behave?

To scrawl, “I Was Good” upon my grave?

Good’s so overrated, babe

So, instead…I’ll let you in

Just come this way

Come this way

Where She Lives

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

anima

He dug his hands down into the Soul of things

And came up empty

Awakened, brutally, to the Other Side

Disillusioned, now

Afraid

Bitter like the dry dirt caked up his arms

From the constant digging

She calls to him, Look up, over there!

But he no longer trusts a female voice,

Even one that is not hers

If only he could get out of his own way

She is pointing him to rich soil

A well –

Wet and deep and thriving with Life Force that can sustain him

If only he can bear to try again

(Though he is so sick of trying)

To reach once more

To find what he was always meant to have —

His land.

His land.

Where She lives…

On Loneliness

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , 3 Comments

dangerous-loneliness

Loneliness is sitting in the cell of your own body

Immobilized

Hearing the softened sounds from the neighborhood alternately float in and out

Like some kind of old radio

You can hear the faint laughter or warm conversation

But you don’t feel any of it because you are living in the prison of your own, lonely being

Sometimes, eyes glazed over and numb, you find you’ve wandered into the home of Depression

Then back again into the familiar ache of a heart that feels like some kind of broken stone, cracked in the deepest places

Only you know it can’t be made of what it feels like,

Because stone doesn’t feel

But you do

Sitting there in your fleshy skin and heavy bones

No plans

No one to call

Ah, you could, you know

There are people who care, which makes it all the worse

The shame that bears down slamming you for just not having it in you to

Get the fuck up

Pick up the phone

Do something

Perhaps we are in the House of Depression again, though the two share a door that never closes

What does it matter?

And then, isn’t there always One?

That one you ache for that you hardly let yourself think of

Because the impossibility of that fantasy is crippling

It is another New Year’s Eve

I can taste my loneliness

I feel it wrap it’s Nothing arms around me and squeeze

But the tears don’t spill over because they are trapped in my cracked, stone heart

It Scares Me, Too

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

mask

Authenticity

Will the blood drain out of you

Will you run dry, freeze

Turn blue?

No

Why does It scare you so?

Reality a million different things

So take One Genuine Moment

Let the mask you wear fall off your face and smash into jagged pieces

Leave them there on the floor shouting after you as you walk away

Today you can be Great

Watch your tightened fist release

Drop the Preconceived

Stop your wiggling, restless fingers from their insanity —

Perpetuating ideas of control you once bought into

Cementing your self-fulfilling prophecy

No more

See your Expectations vanish back into the world of illusion

Step fully into the richness of This Moment

The one you feared

Why does it scare you so?

The ebb and flow

You know by now life is this and it is that

Both

Give me Authenticity

Give that to me and nothing else

I will drink in your pain, your joy

You ugliness or laughter

But let it be the truth of what is in you

Authentic together — we will know Divine Presence

Which has to do only with

The very breath you ride at this moment

Now

BoundFree

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

 

 

heartopening

I thrive in You

I come alive

Through and through you feel me and feed me

Truth’s breeze rushes like a ghost through my broken-open soul

I will never go back

I can never go back

A shattered soul is how the light gets through

Never believed it before

but now I do

Oh, I know

Life won’t be anything close to perfect

Or some fantasy of mine conjured up in the wish-making world of the ego

Begging, grasping, crying out for control always and endlessly

A defeat for the ego is a victory for the Self*

So I let my battered ego lick her wishful wounds

While the Self grows strong and conscious

Through my very own humanity and suffering

I have you and you, you also have me

Without one another we do not thrive

We just stagnate and exist

You, thrashing around in some kind of empty Glory

Me, without purpose

But together we cut through cement like feathered blades of kelly-green grass

Impossibly yet entirely

Tell me — what could be more meaningful than the transformation

Of another being?

In this moment of strength I say

The suffering is worth it

May I remember this in my weakness and may you forgive me

And accept me in All Forms

And may I do the same for You

Bound as we choose to be by this marriage of Awareness

Bound

Only as we choose to be

And I do

 

 

*C.G. Jung quote

War of the Gods

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

demon

How can it be that You’ve annihilated me?

I sat with you

I loved you

I gave you Everything in me

Yet I was met by the Devil

(who you do not believe in)

But I do

Because He came through you

To cut me

To rip my open heart out of my chest

And devour it

Shocked-frozen, I watched Him chew it slowly

Grinding, piercing, masticating

while i became colder and colder

I feel my own demons rise up

Clawing for a piece of my already-swallowed heart

Hardening me

Darkening my Light

That somehow, Something Bitter thinks,

Keeps Fucking Living in me

Soulless creatures hiss in my ears

Don’t let anyone else in.

Ever.

Let us kill any human thing you have.

Let us help you, friend.

Trust only us.

Be alone.

You always have been.

You always will be.

But.

But I know mySelf well enough now!

My warm feelings will Rise Again

And sweep away all these Shadowed men

I will steal back my digested heart from the Devil’s belly

And I will make it work again.

femalehero

Mad

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

joker

The Murderer runs wild again

Screaming madly, Insanities

Knife gripped so tight it’s glued to his hands

Thinking over and over,

What can I stab? 

Tw-Twitching for a fix

Sub blood, he demands, for that methadone drip

Drip…drip…

But the drip ain’t gonna cut it so he rips open the bag

Sucks down the Need but there’s more Need to be had…

That’s how it goes when Something’s gone mad

He swallowed too much Rage one day

Now It pours through His gaze

Eyes drinking in pain

Of those he ordains

By slicing and cutting

By his murderous rage

Victims all asking how he got this way

In humble attempts to find his humanity

In desperate pleas to let them go free

But He’s shaking and starving

Can’t hear a damn word they say

Too possessed by the bliss of watching them

Drain

And by the Power that lights up his black-blooded veins

The instruments he wields

Inflicting such pain

Evil is winning, friends

But go ahead — look away

Avoidance is easier than staring this Thing in It’s face

Because that’s what It is – There is no “He” in this man

He kills for the thrill of it

He kills ‘cuz he can

No reason, no feeling

He’s just fucking

Mad

RISEN

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Rebirth_by_michellemonique

 

I can handle emotions, explosions

Such commotion in motion

From the unconscious ocean

You tried to drown me when you found me on the shores of Devotion

A catalyst for The Analyst who lives in this skin

while Sirens beckoned so sweetly

“Come back in, come back in…”

Melodic voices drenched wretched with sin

You bound my wrists and my eyes

Plugged my ears

Threw me in

But when you learned to slither, friend…

I learned to swim

You thought me lost

The Sacrified lamb

But I’d gone to hell — got acquainted with Hades

Befriended the devils

And that lamb?

Oh so tasty

Still don’t know it’s name was

But it sure wasn’t ‘Katie’

The Time has arisen, I’m out of my prison

Hell made me Whole

Clear is my vision

The Sirens may call but my ears do not listen

No infection in my direction

From dismembered dissection

Put myself back together

In perfect imperfection

I call myself servant

Head down and gaze in

The one Call I answer?

The Call from Within

 

 

Underneath

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

affair

 

You slipped beneath my skin today

Tried to reach into my soul

Your eyes fell, easy, into mine

And you began to know

She’s not gonna do it, hey?

Ain’t up to the task

The only thing you see in me

Is Everything she lacks

We sat face-to-face, today

Facades partially in place

But I wondered — just like you, I think —

If they could be erased

What if we decided

To take all these layers off

What if I undressed your soul

Instead, this pleasant talk

Yet here we are again, my friend

Amidst unspoken Want

Sitting heavy in-between us here

Adult masks on top

You’ve settled in my head my dear

As I type these words you read

I wonder….are you brave enough

To choose what’s Underneath?

 

 

 

Life

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

icaniwill

 

I will write in spite of that black cement wall son-of-a-bitch writer’s block

I will dream, let them come — the demonic, the erotic, the night sea journeys, the sirens, the earthquakes and alchemical pools of lakes and hot tubs, and the way I can always fly up and across the sky — get there quicker than the rest of them

I will paint – my modest, laughable pieces of art

Art that does not come easy like that one girl you can’t forget for precisely that reason

But art that comes, nonetheless, because it means something to me

Some young, simple, eager expression of my soul

I will do – because my soul Calls to me to do – to create to develop and yes,

I will be

Still, with eyes closed feeling the vibrations of the Universe shiver through my body as it circles gently and only ever so slightly, round and round and round…

I will dance, not like nobody’s watching because, hello! people are fucking watching – but I will do it anyway because that is my brave

I will kiss. I will kiss with passion and abandon and suck in that lower lip just a little bit if he lets me, and then soft, stop. Barely touching my lips to his, a whisper of a kiss…to see what he will…

I will breathe from the bottom of my spine up past the crown of my head; I will let the life force ride on my breath expanding in me like oceans of air cleansing my broken, cynical soul

I will shop. Online shop.

Because fuck, once in a while, I do like to shop online. And “mall energy” is the worst.

I will ride the waves of my vast emotions as if they were made from wings of gold I could fly upon; I will honor the highs and lows as equals because — ego aside – they are

I will love

I will love with these warm feelings that wrap their joy and compassion around me and then move outward so that they may reach you. I hope they reach you.

I will accept life as She is. There can be no other way. None of us are spared getting fucked over by Verizon at some point in life. Or AT&T. Or…eh, just pick a company.

And of course, so very, very much worse. But I will be unspared with you.

I will Open…so that I may let a love like mine find me

I will explore, and wonder, and try, and feel, and hope, and cry, and listen, sacredly

And in all of this…

I will live.