Fight

There’s a thing They do to you

When they tell you to be good and nice and kind:

They split you in half

Wholeness lost to some ethereal, spiritual idea that Love is all there is

Child, you ain’t that high on the totem pole yet

You gotta work with that ego before you transcend

So, wake up

Or tell me about the world in which you live

I love fantasies

Sometimes, the compassionate thing is to kill

Or withhold

Or love from afar

But God-forbid (yes God-forbid) They teach you that

Sometimes mirroring another’s cruelty or ignorance is the singular chance to bring them into the Light

But we won’t do that when we’re nice and good and kind

Did They do it to you, too?

Split you in half?

And make you an anxious, shit-eating, people-pleasing robot?

Would you be humble enough to admit it if They did?

Did They have you thinking,

“But I don’t want to hurt their feelings!”

As if intentionally you would set out to do just that?

Jesus, you’re not a sociopath

Fearing narcissism is just another rebellion

A way They get you to stay in reactive states

Instead of integrating

None of us needed all that collective, dismissive, groveling crap

I, for one, will no longer be had

I’ll stab back because there is no one I’ll let split me in half

Ever again

No I’m not going back

I see with new, fierce eyes, clarified

My heart begins to grin, whole at last

And satisfied

Do you want to jump in?

Take my hand

Tie the left to the right and fight

It’s a bloody fucking battle, friend

I’m not gonna lie

But when you get to the other side you’ll realize

The war itself made you Unified

Yes it was war that made you unified

Try that on for size

Piece of Me

I was thinking about why I never wrote you

Why I said I’d get back

and didn’t

And I’m sorry

I just didn’t have it in me

I didn’t find it there —

that Thing

There is too much Nothingness for me

In the in-between

I guess this time it’s on my side, ironically

And I’m sorry

I’m sorry you are where you are

I’m sorry I can’t work so hard

For anyone

Anymore

Tears come to my eyes

and I cry

‘cause Something inside me has died

And I think it might be a good thing

But that don’t stop these tears from dropping

Funny how we can mourn the loss of an Unhelpful Thing

Or Way of Being

Death is still a death

I suppose

And so

I try

To let these tears flow

To let you go

But I know you do not go alone

You go along

with a piece of me

 

my heart breaks into a million pieces

a million times

I don’t know how anyone gets through this life, sometimes

the world often feels cold and indifferent

and I suppose it is

and i guess it isn’t, sometimes

but Lately has not been one of Those times

I wonder how I can find more meaning

more love

more – dare I say it? —

happiness

Jinx

(You owe me a coke)

I cannot go back

I will not go artificially up

because I know the horrific downs

I am so alone and yet

Kids.

How can I like them but not think I want them

what on earth would i do with one, needing me

obliterating me

maybe i’m just a selfish freak

then again, it feels selfish to bring something innocent and unique

into a world like this

I don’t know

I would like a partner but he never seems to show up

or he’s weak

or he can’t follow through

or there’s not enough chemistry

I am tired of the tears on my cheeks

I am tired of seeking

I am tired of stopping seeking to just be

I am tired of everything

I am most tired of breaking

no, I am most tired of feeling This Kind of Low

that makes it difficult to breathe

or see

or think

or do

or leave the house, some days

I am angry

where is reprieve?

To whom do I speak?

Can It even hear me?

If It hears, what then?

I don’t see you Changing,Thing!

I’ve changed enough for the both of us, but it don’t seem to matter much

What?

Should I just keep suffering, hoping you’ll wake the fuck up?

Just stay in this god-forsaken place feeling stuck?

no, no

why should i be the only one to have to change? huh?

HUH?