Life

icaniwill

 

I will write in spite of that black cement wall son-of-a-bitch writer’s block

I will dream, let them come — the demonic, the erotic, the night sea journeys, the sirens, the earthquakes and alchemical pools of lakes and hot tubs, and the way I can always fly up and across the sky — get there quicker than the rest of them

I will paint – my modest, laughable pieces of art

Art that does not come easy like that one girl you can’t forget for precisely that reason

But art that comes, nonetheless, because it means something to me

Some young, simple, eager expression of my soul

I will do – because my soul Calls to me to do – to create to develop and yes,

I will be

Still, with eyes closed feeling the vibrations of the Universe shiver through my body as it circles gently and only ever so slightly, round and round and round…

I will dance, not like nobody’s watching because, hello! people are fucking watching – but I will do it anyway because that is my brave

I will kiss. I will kiss with passion and abandon and suck in that lower lip just a little bit if he lets me, and then soft, stop. Barely touching my lips to his, a whisper of a kiss…to see what he will…

I will breathe from the bottom of my spine up past the crown of my head; I will let the life force ride on my breath expanding in me like oceans of air cleansing my broken, cynical soul

I will shop. Online shop.

Because fuck, once in a while, I do like to shop online. And “mall energy” is the worst.

I will ride the waves of my vast emotions as if they were made from wings of gold I could fly upon; I will honor the highs and lows as equals because — ego aside – they are

I will love

I will love with these warm feelings that wrap their joy and compassion around me and then move outward so that they may reach you. I hope they reach you.

I will accept life as She is. There can be no other way. None of us are spared getting fucked over by Verizon at some point in life. Or AT&T. Or…eh, just pick a company.

And of course, so very, very much worse. But I will be unspared with you.

I will Open…so that I may let a love like mine find me

I will explore, and wonder, and try, and feel, and hope, and cry, and listen, sacredly

And in all of this…

I will live.

 

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His Laughter Stops

I flutter open now-rested eyes

Once restless from The Night last night —

The long road back

The blood-stained fight

The Devil’s laugh

His autograph

The land mines of the Dark Divine

Exploding all around me

I felt cut in half

In perilous surroundings

Carved out

Wiped out —

Like I’d never make it through

Now I wonder, evenly –

Just who underestimated who?

Blinds are drawn but light shines through

My eyes are dry

But sharpened, too

I had my gaze Set last night

Thought I’d die

Still fought my fight

I saw His lies

His claims of “Mine”

I chose not to identify

And in that choice I realized

No one can steal what’s truly mine

Not the Devil or his stupid laugh

Not his ink or autograph

It is I who has a hold on me!

If I don’t let go

I’ll stay My Own

I’ll be free while seeds are sown

Cultivating greater Heart

Strength to not get torn apart

To tolerate the deepest pain

Help others with their suffering

I can say I made it through

And I wish the same for you

By battling the Blackest Night

I’ve made it to the Other Side…