This Lonely “I”

Tried to love you a thousand times
But I gave too much of myself away
Been scrambling like a maniac
To get all those precious pieces back
Slow-going though
(And some decayed)
They tell me out of rotten things…
Yeah I’ve heard that out of death?
A brand new Something’s born again
Better than what’s left
I wonder though – about those pieces
The ones I’ve tried to grasp
And breathe life into once again
Make meaning of my past
Is it worth it when I’m so alone
While my heart just hopes and hopes
Going on and on like It don’t see
The rope around my throat
I tried to love you a thousand times
And a thousand more than that
Was I doing Love all wrong?
Have I given This for That?
I have no answers as I move
Step-by-adjective-Step
There are no fairytales, methinks
Oh, what a crushing childhood lie
No prince
Nor knight
Nor one true love
But only this lonely
“I”

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Paul

paul_walker71

 

I don’t know why you affect me like you do

Can’t even write yet without sobbing about you

Had three of my best friends reach out to me

Told me of your passing because they knew

They knew how I loved you

How can it be

That someone we don’t even know personally

Affects us so deeply

Touches such Humanity

That place in us all where we feel Divinity

And we felt yours

Not just the other day

When the car burst into flames

When the joy ride of your life

Took you away

No not just then

Your life was felt while you were here!

Could there be anything that matters more

Presence being felt

Just knowing you were Here meant something to me

And I only understand that from the sharp realization

That now you’re gone

I was out buying a curtain rod

Looked down at the text I got

“Paul Walker died.”

Felt my heart drop

It wasn’t about your fame or your beauty

But the light that shone through

Your humility and honesty

And blue-eyed speaking truth

And that smile

Oh that smile

That when you graced us with it

Everything else melted away

I promise I will carry it within me

Even as I ache

There will never be another smile

Quite

The same.