Sad Banana Man

He was slumped over against the window of the plane

a sort of sad banana

I sat down in the middle between him and this other man

front row

more leg room

Oh-kay, make that a smoke and whiskey-smelling sad banana

Both men refused to acknowledge me and hogged the armrests

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs

YOU FUCKING IGNORANT ENTITLED WHITE MEN

But I didn’t

I’m white, too, but their whiteness bothered me

Clearly, I have some unresolved rage

But fuck

Seriously?

You each have the outer arm rests

And I’m a pretty slender person

and, hello, a person

Wake up, motherfuckers!

Anyway

Sad whisky banana-man starts to rustle

Now that he’s erect

I notice he’s good-looking in an older rock star kind of way

He has big hands

Long, thick fingers with lots of silver rings on them

He’s real tan

He pushes his sunglasses up and glances over at me for the first time

His eyes on me in that annoyingly intense way when it’s someone you aren’t attracted to

But I couldn’t quite say that, which surprised me

Drink? the stewardess asks

He orders

“Whiskey and coke”

I feel a spark of satisfaction

Like I’m some kind of goddamn detective for knowing what whiskey smells like

I get a water

because I’m better than him

He’s fumbling for a fucking coupon for the longest time

He’s ruining my fantasy

He can’t find it so the nondescript man next to me offers his

They have a little bro moment

The drink arrives and he sips some

“What ya reading?” he asks me

Those fucking eyes

“Junk,” I say.

I’m not interested.

And yet a part of me wants to fuck him because he’s dirty and nasty and inappropriate and men can’t be that way anymore and mostly it’s good

But sometimes it sucks

So he gets a pass

He drinks a little more and nudges me with his shoulder

Smiles

The fucking nerve

He’s gotta be some old rock star with that nerve and those dimples

I look at him directly

“Yes?” I say, sort of amused

I send his energy back to him

That same heated gaze

At this, he looks away

“Pussy” is my immediate thought

Definitely not a rock star

He finishes his drink and invades my space one more time

I let him

I know he’s all bark and no bite

I walk to get my luggage

A tiny bit disappointed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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For Butterfly

there’s all these broken pieces

on the floor between me and you

evidence of our friendship that Life just shattered through

I can see you on the other side tending to your wounds

You can see me over here, I’m tending to mine, too

I guess breaks like this don’t hurt this much

unless the love is Huge

and time has passed and we’ve both patched

those places where we bled

As best we could and we moved on ‘cause that’s what people do

Still, I kept you in my heart

You were rooting for me, too

Now here we are

This same old place and yet somehow, it is new

Those broken pieces waiting there…

But you showed up.

And I showed up.

And both of us

brought glue

 

Muse

She is Here

This incredible, delectable feeling rushing through my fingertips

gushing water though the dam

bursting, breathing

Aliveness

Excitement

I can feel the planets turn and the stars shoot light across the sky

I can feel your breath in my breath

and your life in mine

Oh sweet Muse

how I have missed your incredible juice

Will you never again leave me

Stay!

Stay

But I will not cling or grasp

Only ride this tidal wave of joyous pulsating Everything

and hope and pray it moves through me clearly

and reaches you

and you feel it

and you feel me and you take us in

as I take in you

As I wish for you

-Now-

All Good and Meaningful Things

All Blessed Truth and Sacred Healing

may any pain you ever feel only be leading you to

the very growth you seek

May any suffering merely push out any last crumb

of self-denial and hate and make a space —

A great, big, beautiful space

For the grand entrance of your Muse,

of your Light

of the Very Truth

of

You

The Still Point

I have come now

to the Still Point

that place the ego does not like

for it requires waiting, resting, being

Digesting

Can’t we just rush forward

Get to the next thing

Do just a little more

I say firmly,

No my Hercules

We must stop

It is time to integrate

I know how you hate it

How you wish to push further

Conquer the next task

Kill the next dragon

Or make it our pet

And we will get there in time

I promise

For now the best way you can help me

is to let us Be

Breathe

Feel

Would you join me?

I’ll make us that peach and clove tea you like

Sip it slowly and take in the gray clouds and the rich, Fall feeling that goes with them

There, now

Not as bad as you thought, huh

This Waiting.

The Mask

Chosen so carefully

Each one crafted, hand-made from our own unique pain

Each one brilliant in its effectiveness towards keeping others

Out

A wearable No Trespassing sign

Expressed in so many ways

And yet we all wish to break free

That Part we’ve kept inside – the Real Us

Asking to be Seen

The outer defending against it endlessly

But there comes a time

Right before it’s too late

(like in that Twlight Zone episode where the masks become the face)

When we realize the mask that kept us safe

Is now the cause of our deterioration

But sweet elation!

You can still get free

You can step out of the box you put yourself in

Take the mask off and place it in the box instead

So the Real You

The one we secretly all beg for

Can finally Live

 

 

47 Seconds

I walk in

just to see his smile

for 47 seconds

It’s the kind you hear about —

the kind that Lights Up everything

I wonder if he is always the sun inside himself?

like he is the sun for me

Good God I’m grateful he exists

in a world Like This

I don’t even need a drink today

I just need those 47 seconds

Double-Double

 

It was a pretty fucked up day

So I decided I’d go to In n’ Out

For an animal-style, protein-style, extra pickles please

Double-double

as if to say with oily glee

Fuck this day!

Mouth-watering, I was imagining my meat and sauce and cheese and…

Goddamn bus pulls right in front of me!

Shoves me all the way to the left lane

I watch my precious burger dreams evaporate

because I just do not have it in me to try again

The day has been too long

Stupid. Fucking. Bus.

So here I am

Venting

and eating the last of my coffee yogurt

 

 

Happy

Everybody wants me to be happy

perhaps because they cannot stand to face their own unhappiness

but I am not happy

the world is fraught with horrific things that I cannot Unsee or Unknow

I check my feed to see who’s been slaughtered today

and people want me to be happy

the murdered child

the bombings and beheadings

the shooting victims

the acid victims

The great vat of spiritual bypass

and desperate clinging to the last shreds of your own denial

even as our world implodes

but you dare ask me to be happy

fuck your happy

goddamn fuck your happy

Fire

Deceiving, this sweet golden light

this warm, rich sun

this orange sky

your face aglow like candlelight

we drink it up

we soak it in

the trees that burn

reveal it’s sin

One side ash

The other side gold

For no thing exists

That is not whole

Perfect sunsets drenching skies

Something’s born

Something dies

 

Famous Bitch

E’rybody wanna be a Famous Bitch

watch my video

follow my page

re-tweet re-post re-

click

Blasphemy nowadays is non-response

The urgent, silent demand:

(You will) fill up this gaping wound of being so unseen for so long

E’rybody telepathic  today –

and we all listen and obey

’cause we have

the exact same demand

and you can shake your head, like

no way

But I got your number, babe

Checking and re-checking for Likes and Views

Measuring worth and life by The Interest of Others

desperate pleading

acknowledge me

acknowledge me

’cause you know e’rybody wanna be seen

yeah

E’rrrrybody wanna be a famous bitch

and hate a famous bitch

at the same time