Wanderer

I told him

Sometimes, I am so, so lonely here

Waited for his warm reassurance

But instead he just plainly said,

Get used to it

You were never meant to follow

And I knew then

He was right

And I

was free

 

 

 

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March

I saw a bad movie last night

With a good line —

“You embrace the suck and you move the fuck on”

So today I March

I wake

I ride

I take

I move into the deep flux of my life and say

YES

Okay

Why Not

Today? Tonight? Done. There.

What have I been doing all these years but

Hiding myself within myself

Tricked into the trap of staying there

I have begged my Captor to let me free

But my Captor was me

and I was not listening

Desperate I whispered let me be uncomfortable

I can take it

But he didn’t believe me

And really, how could he?

I was fucking whis-per-ing

It was all I could muster then

But somehow, I dragged my heavy feet through the mud

These last three days

Or 38 years

And I made it to the other side, wiping off the dried fragments of dirt and blood

Throwing those old boots aside

My bare, raw feet stepping down onto the hot coals in front of me

I don’t run or walk or hide

I just set my gaze to the now

And I March

Impotent

 

I’m so sick of all the empty talk

You boys forgot how to walk the walk

Where did all the cowboys go

What is all this timidity

All this yes-I-do-but-no-not-really

You reach out but you don’t mean it

and I am so tired of you not meaning it

I don’t want some half-assed fantasy

I don’t want you wanting the idea of me

You ask me out but you don’t follow through

Didn’t you get taught that’s what real men do?

Someone let you down big time, boy

Society or family or hey — blame women wanting equality

I don’t know what the fuck happened

But manhood is lost

Wounded to the point of impotence

And I can’t take more impotence

I’ve got my own to deal with

I want a man who is a man

Who has not lost touch with what makes him that

All these fucking disappearing acts

I don’t believe in any of you anymore

I don’t think you believe in yourselves either

But I can’t fucking do it for you

I can’t do it for you

You have to do it for yourself

And don’t you dare fucking call me until you do