When you are conflicted about a decision, I always recommend taking out the external forces in order to truly get in touch with what it is YOU want. So, start with the question:

“What Do I Want?”

Take away the ifs, buts, shoulds. Take away the Fear, Worry, Care-taking of others (i.e. their feelings before yours.) In other words, if no one’s feelings would get hurt and if the worry about HOW to do it was taken away, what would you choose/decide/want?

Once those things are put aside, ask yourself again:

“What Do I Want?”

This should help clarify. Now, you begin the steps to get there.

Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all; young and old, rich and poor, good and evil. the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self. Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned from birth.

But one creature said at last, “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom.”

The other creatures laughed and said, “Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!”

But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.

And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, “See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!”

And the one carried in the current said, “I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.”

But they cried the more, “Savior!” all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior. — Richard Bach

Toxic Intelligence (TI) is my term for our own individual genius turned against us. It is “reasoning” that makes sense to us in the moment; in fact, we cannot see the situation any other way because our TI tells us it has a lock on “the Truth.” When you think you have all the answers is when it might be a good idea to be on higher alert. There is no lock on the Truth.  As if Truth were one thing (!), summed up in one sentence, wrapped in a bow, glowing like a neon sign: “Here I am! Truth!”

Now, Toxic Intelligence is not to be confused with Knowing or Sensing — two wonderfully productive and intuitive gifts that all people have, some merely have them more developed than others. So, how can you tell the difference between true Knowing and TI? The former is a deep feeling, generally coming from within the core or body, and it can often sound like a nagging or urging to listen. It can be very faint or very strong, but it is not threatening. Although, it is true that Knowing/Sensing may sometimes have a warning energy to it.  Knowing may sound like, “Hey, something doesn’t feel right here.” Or alternately, “I truly SEE why this is or is not so for me.” Toxic Intelligence, on the other hand, will think it has all the answers and it will be using Fear, Worry or Anxiety to justify itself. “They did that because they don’t like you.” “You can’t ask for this because you will be seen as overbearing.”  TI pretends to know the future and what other people intend and think. TI is delusional, and that is the irony. TI uses past hurts and experiences to justify why you must be afraid, small, insecure or “wrong.” TI can get very loud, especially when you are “on” to it. Knowing or Sensing, on the other hand, has a quieter, softer way. It is not so attached to the result because it does not have the same goal that Toxic Intelligence does — to stay alive. Toxic Intelligence uses Fear to control you because It is afraid. It is afraid that when you get clear, and inspect It’s “reasonings” you will find them irrational and Fear-based and It will no longer have power over you. Knowing has nothing to do with power over you — it has to do with feeling empowered from living an authentic life.

2 ways to disconnect:

1. Notice Toxic Intelligence.

First, you must get to know it. How does it show up in you? What are the tapes it plays over and over again to you about who you are? Do you believe them? Can you begin to dialogue with the TI voice and create a different way of thinking? For example, the TI voice might say to someone isolating,”You have to stay home because you have no money and those people don’t really like you anyway.” You might notice it and respond: “Actually, I am on a budget, but I can go out for the company and social aspect, and ‘those people’ are my friends. In fact, I’d like to make stronger friendships, and staying home every night out of fear is not going to help with that.” Keep it going if you can.

2. Stop. Drop. Breathe.

Okay, so I kind of stole this from the old fire drill we learned in school, but it works. When your mind starts spinning; when you feel anxious; when you are about to reach for a drink or a Big Mac or become reactive to your fear — STOP. Take a seated position or, if you’re like me and can’t get comfortable seated, stretch out on your back and breathe. Don’t worry about “meditation” or what you should be “doing.” This exercise is entirely about you relaxing and breathing and settling into yourself. Once gathered, you may reassess your thoughts or situation.

When we can begin to disconnect from our Toxic Intelligence and question it — we begin to flip the switch back to using our True Intelligence. Our True Intelligence comes from our highest self and is for our highest benefit: living a life based on soul needs and wants and not based on Fear.

Be Inspired,

Katie