Draft Pick

Yesterday, an anxious fit threw me

silk sheets wrapped their burgundy curls around my limbs

pinning me down in my own twisted, sweaty haste

to get away

What a sad-funny thing to think we can run from ourselves

How many times do you wage war on the inside?

Some lose days

Some lose years

I’ve lost both before but in my bones I know

the worthiest of battles

are on this battlefield of Soul

So when I lose

I wake again and start anew

Today, I threw an anxious fit away

each step I took with wisened foot

Lessons learned

I feel my worth

Wars are won on how we greet our losses

If we were picking teams

Would you choose yourself?

‘Cause I’d sure as hell choose

me

 

 

 

 

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You Tell Me

inner_fight_by_zen_3-d878kvv

I sit in my castle

waiting like a fool

Such a strange-familiar ache

To try and hold all Truths at once

breeds either unity or paralysis

But I am not unified

I have trapped myself here

It is not an evil witch who keeps me

Or some hoped-for Prince

But all the raging parts of my Self fighting this Great Fight

On the battlefield of my soul

I am sore

And tired

There is no one winning

I look so still in my castle

One might think me calm

But The All storms within me

each thing fighting the other equally

Heroes and Nemeses

matched up too perfectly

Am I holding the tension

Or just fucking

frozen?

Maybe you could tell me…

War of the Gods

demon

How can it be that You’ve annihilated me?

I sat with you

I loved you

I gave you Everything in me

Yet I was met by the Devil

(who you do not believe in)

But I do

Because He came through you

To cut me

To rip my open heart out of my chest

And devour it

Shocked-frozen, I watched Him chew it slowly

Grinding, piercing, masticating

while i became colder and colder

I feel my own demons rise up

Clawing for a piece of my already-swallowed heart

Hardening me

Darkening my Light

That somehow, Something Bitter thinks,

Keeps Fucking Living in me

Soulless creatures hiss in my ears

Don’t let anyone else in.

Ever.

Let us kill any human thing you have.

Let us help you, friend.

Trust only us.

Be alone.

You always have been.

You always will be.

But.

But I know mySelf well enough now!

My warm feelings will Rise Again

And sweep away all these Shadowed men

I will steal back my digested heart from the Devil’s belly

And I will make it work again.

femalehero