Nothing Lost

There is nothing like Deep Knowing

The feeling of enrichment and meaning diving head-first into your own thriving cells

Penetrating you from the core

Breaking you open, raw and alive

Heart expanded about 1000 times

There is no lover like this!

Even the most satisfying sex merely a distant, handicapped contender

Muted against these powerful tides

Brilliant, gushing, flowing, soul-filling

Enlightenment strikes!

Breathless and starkly aware

Heart pumping, eyes wide

Inside still and screaming at the same time

I live! I live! Yes, I am alive!

Nothing can be taken from me that will not be returned

In perfect form

Anything Less-Than will be made whole again

For it is I who creates

Do you see me?!

I have woven myself through your myths and songs, stories and tales

You yourself in this moment

Write ME!

You yourself in this moment

Read me

Feel me

Know me

Coursing through the veins I gave you

Embodied as divine

Fly child

Live and Know

Soak it all up and fear not

For we will return again and again and again

And nothing, nothing in you will ever be

Lost

Nothing in you will

Ever

Be

Lost

Raw

I am deathly afraid you will strike me down

for opening my mouth

I sit frozen, shaking

an inner-earth-quaking

What if you spear my careful words

crafted from my great need for acceptance

I admit it!

I have crossed the bridge

and put myself Out There

Will I be crucified

Or stoned alive

Each step has led me here and I feel desperate

to take each step back now

What if I have doomed myself

Ruined everything again

Wanted or Needed too much

What if they tell me just to shut the fuck up

And Quit being so stupid

And We can see through your frantic attempts

You silly, useless fool

I cry out

I am so afraid

I am so eager to take-back

But I let it sit

Out There

With all of them

my throat choked from the waiting

Silent judgements killed me once

But I have to Stay

I have to hold strong and steady

I have to brave total annihilation

and trust that the world I knew once

has changed

And the terror just sits in the air

and hangs

 

There You Go Again

There you go again

with your stupid fucking Talk

I hear your voice, faint, in the background of my mind

Far-away–like

and controlling at the same time

You never did listen to me

or care about my feelings

You scoffed and spat and screamed malicious things

and blindly, I believed you

But I See you now

I hear you in the background

Fuck that “see no evil” shit

How do you think the Devil hides?

In plain sight.

We all just close our eyes

Pretend He isn’t there and try to look on the bright side

But that’s only one side

And I refuse to see out of only one eye

There you go again

Your voice just settled in

Like the sizzling heat on a cow’s skin

being branded

Thought I wouldn’t notice as you took over slowly

Seeping your way into my being

But you underestimated me

I See Everything

I’m done negotiating

Go ahead and keep on hissing

I’ve stopped my listening

Spin your wheels til there’s nothing left to spin

I’ll just watch, bemused and think

“There you go again…”