What You Left Behind

Something is missing

That numb feeling in my center

this vibrating out that it does

glazing over my eyes

I know somewhere I must have some feelings

anger and sadness

best guess

but I can’t connect

depressed

are you as tired of that word as I am

fuck I’m so tired of it

I keep going

because I’ve learned by now that that’s what I do

I guess that’s pretty cool

but if I’d given up

I wouldn’t judge myself

or you

I don’t want to live here

but wherever you are

you are

and what a fucking riddle it all is

isn’t it

sometimes I just get sick of playing

so I give up for a little while

I let it take over

the gray cloud

the white noise

sometimes I don’t let it, it just comes

rapist

I put ear plugs in today

inside

because I didn’t want to hear that fucking blower blow one more time

jesus Christ

I don’t feel like I can ever ACT or DECIDE

and when I do

just momentary blips on the radar of life

I want things

and I know things don’t really give you anything

is it all just a head spinning trap

how do we live without answers

how do we fulfill our purpose

the one in the soul that keeps pushing us forward

and yet

that other thing that stops us

every god damn fucking time

your skin will wrinkle if you don’t die

and your eye color will fade and all that will be left

will be what you left behind

 

Advertisements

It Scares Me, Too

mask

Authenticity

Will the blood drain out of you

Will you run dry, freeze

Turn blue?

No

Why does It scare you so?

Reality a million different things

So take One Genuine Moment

Let the mask you wear fall off your face and smash into jagged pieces

Leave them there on the floor shouting after you as you walk away

Today you can be Great

Watch your tightened fist release

Drop the Preconceived

Stop your wiggling, restless fingers from their insanity —

Perpetuating ideas of control you once bought into

Cementing your self-fulfilling prophecy

No more

See your Expectations vanish back into the world of illusion

Step fully into the richness of This Moment

The one you feared

Why does it scare you so?

The ebb and flow

You know by now life is this and it is that

Both

Give me Authenticity

Give that to me and nothing else

I will drink in your pain, your joy

You ugliness or laughter

But let it be the truth of what is in you

Authentic together — we will know Divine Presence

Which has to do only with

The very breath you ride at this moment

Now

The Matrix

Inside the Matrix

I think I used up all my chances

For loving this life

Or light-hearted romances

I keep on choosing the red pill

Fantasies dance with me

My imagination runs with me

Occasionally

But I have come to believe

That what is Sold in this world

Is just not meant for me

I can’t live in Reality

(said sarcastically)

The way they do

All blindly

Though, I know it’s a ruse to call

It real, ‘cause reality’s not kindly

Eyes wide shut to The All that lives

To exist instead in the Matrix of illusion

A fusion of merely meager things

They are capable of seeing

I see the Unseen

Constantly

My heart splits and splits again

They ask me things I can’t ever answer

Because one can’t Explain the Deep Mysteries

Then, when I attempt, they think, “She’s crazy…she’s inflated.”

Full of myself, perhaps, or maybe inebriated

But I speak My Truth whether I’m sober or not

While they’re held hostage by illogical thought

Dismissing me away

Even as unconsciously they are asking me just What It Takes

But they don’t really wanna know just

What It Fucking Takes

I must resist the temptation to tell them

The answers they don’t really seek

I must toss my need to try and connect

Into the Humble back seat

You can’t sell Soul

When they live to forget

When they’re just not ready

Or it’s too deep to get

So I walk my journey alone

Yes, alone

My fantasies only an escape from my home

A home lived in Shadows

I row my small boat

Though my mind sometimes serves me

I eat

Alone