psychology

Unafraid

AriaPhoenix poetry Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Oh, hello

I don’t think we’ve met

Hand outstretched, steel in my grip

“I am Unafraid.”

Yes, indeed that is my name

Faced those demons, was once a slave

Now I’ve mastered Fear, my dear

So you will call me

Unafraid

Empowerment fills my chest

I stand with hands on She-ra hips

I will meet your gaze directly

Words ready at my lips

I’ll say what must be said

I’ll fight until the death

For the Truth that is alive in me

is worth my final breath

Why, what New Dark Thing is this?

Some new lesson, some old trick?

Go ahead and try me, friend —

I got a giant fucking dick

When you’ve been to hell and back again

When hell’s been in your bed

The slave becomes the master

When she takes the master’s head

And I’ve got his on a stick

There’s a new rule in town now

This Queen don’t take your shit

I’ve battled All The Vilest Things

And learned to never quit

The throne is mine til dying day

So let me introduce you, hey?

‘Cause I don’t think we’ve met

I am

Unafraid.

(written in 2018)

White Noise

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Here you are again — 

that familiar hum

that low-pitched vibration

as if White Noise fucked Agony

and made a Depression baby

It would be a silent-shrieking Thing 

that no one could soothe

and then…

A far away voice —

Demeter, maybe?

— begs me to return

to come back up

but I can’t find the way

out of this maze

There are ladders everywhere 

ladders that  go nowhere

It’s a special type of hell this time

One where

I can hear the voices from the outside

and know there is Life

somewhere

But not in this place

Only this heaviness

Only this heartbreak

Only this desperation 

begging humankind to wake

But down here the inner Beggar just decays

Too little, too late

Too little.

Too late.

and quite frankly

I am left with nothing left

to say

 

STOP

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It is a dark call to stillness

A dropping down and in

A forced and needed 

Stop.

What will you create in your life?

Busyness is just another addiction

Rushing us past our feelings, our selves, our lives

Stop.

Who are you really and how do you wish to be?

Be that

This is the night sea journey

This is the time you were waiting for to begin

This is how you get acquainted

You stop.

Which voice will you listen to?

I hope it is not the voice of your mother or father or spouse or friend

I especially hope it is not the voice of the collective

Now is when you break free

Now is when you listen and find 

the Worthy Inner Voice

And empower it

Stop.

So that when you once again go forward

You will bring the gifts only you can bring

And that will be your salvation

And ours

 

If I Didn’t Have You

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If I didn’t have you

I wouldn’t have me

what a journey it has been

(what a journey it will be)

unfolding all Life’s deepest mysteries

I see them stroll on down the street

headphones on, obliviously

missing all the subtleties

there are those who can’t recall

a single dream, not one at all

and then there is me and there is you

we’ve burned in hell and soared in blue

wrestled demons and held God’s hands

we’ve Seen Things the others can’t

deeper layers, lifted veils

I do my yoga, you hike your trails

what we share can’t be explained

what was lost, now reclaimed

an indestructible house exists

one where all the Whole Souls live

I revel in my gratitude

I revel because I’m free

Thank you will never be enough

If I didn’t have you

I wouldn’t have

Me.

Right Beside You

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All we are given is ourselves

To change and mold

as if that were an easy thing

still

we are given our selves

what a profoundly beautiful thing

To be given and yet

we so often walk through the world abused and mistreated

by the very selves we were given

Step one is as important as step 701

And step 701 is as important as the very last step

in every journey

there is a process

in every process there is A Thing that wishes to cut the process off

to stop it

to revert it back to whatever it was before

or kill it completely

It is only Unconsciousness, doing what It does

Pulling us towards a type of death

while It’s opposite –

Consciousness,

Intent —

pulls us toward life

It is our job to fight the good fight

to push forward

to carry on

to cry, “Tally ho!”

and march

The real Death comes soon enough

Though the weight of The Old wishes to carry you back into the ocean’s depths

you must find your focus and your feet

steady now

Left, left,

left, right, left!

And if you glance either way

I am right beside you

 

The Body Knows

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So many times I don’t know it’s there

Sadness

trapped in my body

Despair

a forward fold and then

the tears

Walking up his driveway

I knock on his door

He gives me an adjustment

and I cry some more

He made me still, then a sudden crack

and woah

Didn’t know it was stuck like that

The body holds what the mind won’t

The mind’s got tricks

The body don’t

The mind escapes

But the body knows

The Body Knows

 

 

What You Left Behind

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Something is missing

That numb feeling in my center

this vibrating out that it does

glazing over my eyes

I know somewhere I must have some feelings

anger and sadness

best guess

but I can’t connect

depressed

are you as tired of that word as I am

fuck I’m so tired of it

I keep going

because I’ve learned by now that that’s what I do

I guess that’s pretty cool

but if I’d given up

I wouldn’t judge myself

or you

I don’t want to live here

but wherever you are

you are

and what a fucking riddle it all is

isn’t it

sometimes I just get sick of playing

so I give up for a little while

I let it take over

the gray cloud

the white noise

sometimes I don’t let it, it just comes

rapist

I put ear plugs in today

inside

because I didn’t want to hear that fucking blower blow one more time

jesus Christ

I don’t feel like I can ever ACT or DECIDE

and when I do

just momentary blips on the radar of life

I want things

and I know things don’t really give you anything

is it all just a head spinning trap

how do we live without answers

how do we fulfill our purpose

the one in the soul that keeps pushing us forward

and yet

that other thing that stops us

every god damn fucking time

your skin will wrinkle if you don’t die

and your eye color will fade and all that will be left

will be what you left behind

 

The Still Point

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I have come now

to the Still Point

that place the ego does not like

for it requires waiting, resting, being

Digesting

Can’t we just rush forward

Get to the next thing

Do just a little more

I say firmly,

No my Hercules

We must stop

It is time to integrate

I know how you hate it

How you wish to push further

Conquer the next task

Kill the next dragon

Or make it our pet

And we will get there in time

I promise

For now the best way you can help me

is to let us Be

Breathe

Feel

Would you join me?

I’ll make us that peach and clove tea you like

Sip it slowly and take in the gray clouds and the rich, Fall feeling that goes with them

There, now

Not as bad as you thought, huh

This Waiting.

The Mask

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Chosen so carefully

Each one crafted, hand-made from our own unique pain

Each one brilliant in its effectiveness towards keeping others

Out

A wearable No Trespassing sign

Expressed in so many ways

And yet we all wish to break free

That Part we’ve kept inside – the Real Us

Asking to be Seen

The outer defending against it endlessly

But there comes a time

Right before it’s too late

(like in that Twlight Zone episode where the masks become the face)

When we realize the mask that kept us safe

Is now the cause of our deterioration

But sweet elation!

You can still get free

You can step out of the box you put yourself in

Take the mask off and place it in the box instead

So the Real You

The one we secretly all beg for

Can finally Live

 

 

47 Seconds

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I walk in

just to see his smile

for 47 seconds

It’s the kind you hear about —

the kind that Lights Up everything

I wonder if he is always the sun inside himself?

like he is the sun for me

Good God I’m grateful he exists

in a world Like This

I don’t even need a drink today

I just need those 47 seconds