The Loving Thing
I guess
Would be to let you just be where you are
but fuck
it’s so hard
consciousness
Tell You Then
Do you feel me thinking of you
I knew
A long time ago
But I won’t tell you yet
For fear of shattering your fragile cocoon
You, my dear, are about to break into flight!
But no one can tell the caterpillar
Held tight — trapped even — in his silken nest
His body liquefying, parts moving
(Unbeknownst to him
Building something completely new)
That soon he will burst forth
Into his own vibrant dance
Communing with the wind
Into the life he was meant to live
I will be there when you emerge
And I will tell you
Then
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Nothing Lost
There is nothing like Deep Knowing
The feeling of enrichment and meaning diving head-first into your own thriving cells
Penetrating you from the core
Breaking you open, raw and alive
Heart expanded about 1000 times
There is no lover like this!
Even the most satisfying sex merely a distant, handicapped contender
Muted against these powerful tides
Brilliant, gushing, flowing, soul-filling
Enlightenment strikes!
Breathless and starkly aware
Heart pumping, eyes wide
Inside still and screaming at the same time
I live! I live! Yes, I am alive!
Nothing can be taken from me that will not be returned
In perfect form
Anything Less-Than will be made whole again
For it is I who creates
Do you see me?!
I have woven myself through your myths and songs, stories and tales
You yourself in this moment
Write ME!
You yourself in this moment
Read me
Feel me
Know me
Coursing through the veins I gave you
Embodied as divine
Fly child
Live and Know
Soak it all up and fear not
For we will return again and again and again
And nothing, nothing in you will ever be
Lost
Nothing in you will
Ever
Be
Lost
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There You Go Again
There you go again
with your stupid fucking Talk
I hear your voice, faint, in the background of my mind
Far-away–like
and controlling at the same time
You never did listen to me
or care about my feelings
You scoffed and spat and screamed malicious things
and blindly, I believed you
But I See you now
I hear you in the background
Fuck that “see no evil” shit
How do you think the Devil hides?
In plain sight.
We all just close our eyes
Pretend He isn’t there and try to look on the bright side
But that’s only one side
And I refuse to see out of only one eye
There you go again
Your voice just settled in
Like the sizzling heat on a cow’s skin
being branded
Thought I wouldn’t notice as you took over slowly
Seeping your way into my being
But you underestimated me
I See Everything
I’m done negotiating
Go ahead and keep on hissing
I’ve stopped my listening
Spin your wheels til there’s nothing left to spin
I’ll just watch, bemused and think
“There you go again…”
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It’s Okay
There’s something you’re waiting for
And it’s okay
You’re allowed
Just to date
To explore
Beat back that invasive shame
Stop sitting down with your self
Just to play The Guilt Games
You and I both know
There is something you’re waiting for
And I swear,
It’s gotta be okay
We gotta make that okay
You were not made
To settle
Or stay for the sake of staying
So you can say
But he’s so nice
Or
She’s a good girl
I can’t hurt her feelings
Can’t make him feel pain
Oh baby, you’re not that arrogant
Are you?
Or that afraid?
Don’t put it on him or her
All that silly blame
Take it back
Own your fate
You were meant to choose something great
Put your heart in charge
Shut the naysayers away
Lock that door
You and I both Know
There’s someone you’re waiting for
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When Morning Comes
When mourning comes
The slow and painful rise of awareness
Bright and shocking to our confused eyes
When the tears fall for the Unlived Life
And the thoughts come of What Could Have Been
The Should Have Been’s
The If Only’s
Do we deny, then, or accept?
When mourning comes and the tidal waves of deep regret
Stick to your cheeks, smearing them with agony and loneliness
And your heart screams, why can’t it be different?
I should have known
And you look stupidly at your own ignorance
Mad at something that makes no sense to be mad at
Oh but so, so mad
And sad
The piercing bitterness rises
When mourning comes
And morning always comes
Do we deny, then, or accept?
Can we forgive ourselves for the Not Knowing
Can we start to see through new eyes
Polished, clearer from our suffering
And see — truly see — that there is no other way for any of us
To live this journey
Except exactly as it is
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Surrender
Oh sweet surrender!
I lie in the arms of my beloved
And breathe a sigh of relief
It is not up to me
It is not up to me
How tightly I held on!
And for so long
Grasping at straws
Greedy for answers
On my timeline
My ego screeched —
Begging, suffering, fighting
Struggling, striving
Needlessly
Needlessly!
Like fighting the wind
Or the stars
Demanding control of that which cannot be!
To think I actually wanted answers when I wanted them
How boring
How stale
How unimaginative
The juice of life lives in the Unknown
I was an ant believing I was an elephant
Now I am an ant and know I am an ant
Oh sweet, sweet surrender
I grasp nothing
Nor is there any need…
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The Webweaver
I am the Webweaver
the spider
I create my own destiny
But only
Always only
Because You flow through me
Sincere humility the only thing to birth true power
Do you feel it rise up in you
like I do in me
Oh my god
the high
so heady
But there now, soft
Bring it back down
stop the threading of soul for a breath
Lest we lose our connection to what gives us our breath
Oh then, it’s amped up again
let’s connect
you and me
Webweaver and demon seed
Ravish me
Ravish me
ravish me
And it will be holy
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It Scares Me, Too
Authenticity
Will the blood drain out of you
Will you run dry, freeze
Turn blue?
No
Why does It scare you so?
Reality a million different things
So take One Genuine Moment
Let the mask you wear fall off your face and smash into jagged pieces
Leave them there on the floor shouting after you as you walk away
Today you can be Great
Watch your tightened fist release
Drop the Preconceived
Stop your wiggling, restless fingers from their insanity —
Perpetuating ideas of control you once bought into
Cementing your self-fulfilling prophecy
No more
See your Expectations vanish back into the world of illusion
Step fully into the richness of This Moment
The one you feared
Why does it scare you so?
The ebb and flow
You know by now life is this and it is that
Both
Give me Authenticity
Give that to me and nothing else
I will drink in your pain, your joy
You ugliness or laughter
But let it be the truth of what is in you
Authentic together — we will know Divine Presence
Which has to do only with
The very breath you ride at this moment
Now
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BoundFree
I thrive in You
I come alive
Through and through you feel me and feed me
Truth’s breeze rushes like a ghost through my broken-open soul
I will never go back
I can never go back
A shattered soul is how the light gets through
Never believed it before
but now I do
Oh, I know
Life won’t be anything close to perfect
Or some fantasy of mine conjured up in the wish-making world of the ego
Begging, grasping, crying out for control always and endlessly
A defeat for the ego is a victory for the Self*
So I let my battered ego lick her wishful wounds
While the Self grows strong and conscious
Through my very own humanity and suffering
I have you and you, you also have me
Without one another we do not thrive
We just stagnate and exist
You, thrashing around in some kind of empty Glory
Me, without purpose
But together we cut through cement like feathered blades of kelly-green grass
Impossibly yet entirely
Tell me — what could be more meaningful than the transformation
Of another being?
In this moment of strength I say
The suffering is worth it
May I remember this in my weakness and may you forgive me
And accept me in All Forms
And may I do the same for You
Bound as we choose to be by this marriage of Awareness
Bound
Only as we choose to be
And I do
*C.G. Jung quote
ariaphoenix 