What Else Is There?

 

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You tell me to trust —

Surrender —

And I try

But the memories of failure still live

Rejection burned in my mind

Why is Unrequited Love so easy to find?

Seems like the laundry keeps spinning

But it ain’t gettin’ clean

He goes after her, and she goes after someone else

Et cetera, et cetera…

You know what I mean

And so we go — just chasing the dream

Some kind of twisted fantasy

One disappointment after another

Another serving of Passionless Whatever

Oh, yes, another helping for me, please!

Plopped down on my plate like prison-cafeteria slop

You start to feel like you’ve tried everything

Putting yourself out there

Holding yourself in

Taking a date because, well, he’s nice

Refusing the date because he’s just…nice

But that Essence is missing

That thing that breaks a person wide open

So I ask You —

What is there to trust?

Broken open doesn’t often last even when it happens

Diamonds just turn back to dust

So my shaken prayer is this and always this –

Just let me Accept

Because really –

What else is there?

 

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Surrender

surrender

Oh sweet surrender!

I lie in the arms of my beloved

And breathe a sigh of relief

It is not up to me

It is not up to me

How tightly I held on!

And for so long

Grasping at straws

Greedy for answers

On my timeline

My ego screeched —

Begging, suffering, fighting

Struggling, striving

Needlessly

Needlessly!

Like fighting the wind

Or the stars

Demanding control of that which cannot be!

To think I actually wanted answers when I wanted them

How boring

How stale

How unimaginative

The juice of life lives in the Unknown

I was an ant believing I was an elephant

Now I am an ant and know I am an ant

Oh sweet, sweet surrender

I grasp nothing

Nor is there any need…