Piece of Me

I was thinking about why I never wrote you

Why I said I’d get back

and didn’t

And I’m sorry

I just didn’t have it in me

I didn’t find it there —

that Thing

There is too much Nothingness for me

In the in-between

I guess this time it’s on my side, ironically

And I’m sorry

I’m sorry you are where you are

I’m sorry I can’t work so hard

For anyone

Anymore

Tears come to my eyes

and I cry

‘cause Something inside me has died

And I think it might be a good thing

But that don’t stop these tears from dropping

Funny how we can mourn the loss of an Unhelpful Thing

Or Way of Being

Death is still a death

I suppose

And so

I try

To let these tears flow

To let you go

But I know you do not go alone

You go along

with a piece of me

 

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Surrender

surrender

Oh sweet surrender!

I lie in the arms of my beloved

And breathe a sigh of relief

It is not up to me

It is not up to me

How tightly I held on!

And for so long

Grasping at straws

Greedy for answers

On my timeline

My ego screeched —

Begging, suffering, fighting

Struggling, striving

Needlessly

Needlessly!

Like fighting the wind

Or the stars

Demanding control of that which cannot be!

To think I actually wanted answers when I wanted them

How boring

How stale

How unimaginative

The juice of life lives in the Unknown

I was an ant believing I was an elephant

Now I am an ant and know I am an ant

Oh sweet, sweet surrender

I grasp nothing

Nor is there any need…