The Loving Thing

The Loving Thing

I guess

Would be to let you just be where you are

but fuck

it’s so hard

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Free

free

Free

Heart open

Free

Arms spread

Free

Weightless

Free

———————————

Held captive

far too long

Wrists bruised

beyond black and blue

Heart trapped

without song

(The only sound —

the noise of you)

But I took the shackles off today

Let the sun shine on my face

High time I got on my way

Yeah, I left without a trace

You won’t again deny me

of You, I’ll stay aware

and You will never find me

For Darkness can’t see Clear

This feeling penetrates me

Heart open

There’s no fear

No, you won’t ever find me

So search away, my dear

——————————-

Free, I am

Heart open

Free, I am

Arms wide

Free

I feel weightless

Free I am

Inside

Something Wonderful

selflove

Whatever – what ever — you have

Own it

Embody yourself like you never have before

Take that spirit of yours and

Step In

Into the body you have now

No protesting allowed

Or judgment or fear

Own what is yours to own

Because I swear to you

It feels good

It feels so fucking good

Because no one else can do it for you

Because All that is you will whisper away

If you don’t lay Claim

Don’t let Time steal what you have refused to own

Only you can breathe in You

And breathe out You

And make something Wonderful

 

 

It’s Okay

twinfl

There’s something you’re waiting for

And it’s okay

You’re allowed

Just to date

To explore

Beat back that invasive shame

Stop sitting down with your self

Just to play The Guilt Games

You and I both know

There is something you’re waiting for

And I swear,

It’s gotta be okay

We gotta make that okay

You were not made

To settle

Or stay for the sake of staying

So you can say

But he’s so nice

Or

She’s a good girl

I can’t hurt her feelings

Can’t make him feel pain

Oh baby, you’re not that arrogant

Are you?

Or that afraid?

Don’t put it on him or her

All that silly blame

Take it back

Own your fate

You were meant to choose something great

Put your heart in charge

Shut the naysayers away

Lock that door

You and I both Know

There’s someone you’re waiting for

What Else Is There?

 

799

You tell me to trust —

Surrender —

And I try

But the memories of failure still live

Rejection burned in my mind

Why is Unrequited Love so easy to find?

Seems like the laundry keeps spinning

But it ain’t gettin’ clean

He goes after her, and she goes after someone else

Et cetera, et cetera…

You know what I mean

And so we go — just chasing the dream

Some kind of twisted fantasy

One disappointment after another

Another serving of Passionless Whatever

Oh, yes, another helping for me, please!

Plopped down on my plate like prison-cafeteria slop

You start to feel like you’ve tried everything

Putting yourself out there

Holding yourself in

Taking a date because, well, he’s nice

Refusing the date because he’s just…nice

But that Essence is missing

That thing that breaks a person wide open

So I ask You —

What is there to trust?

Broken open doesn’t often last even when it happens

Diamonds just turn back to dust

So my shaken prayer is this and always this –

Just let me Accept

Because really –

What else is there?

 

Not Bad

universepic

You are not bad

Why, my child, whoever told you that?

I think They must not have known what they said

Would you listen to me, instead?

You are not bad

You are not the reason for all the yuck of life

Life just comes with yuck

Wish that lesson would have stuck

“You are a child of the Universe…

No less than the trees or stars…”

And they too, are not bad or good —

They, my child, just are

You are allowed to Be

You are allowed to stumble through life

Deep in the mess of it

In fact, I encourage it

What other way is there

But to fight through

Reaching your worthy fingers into the rough ground to spread roots

And rise

Or burn for thousands of years and burst

Dying-Alive at the same time

You are made up of a million things

In this human being

But you are not wrong

And you are not bad

Could you, would you let go of those rigid notions?

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.”

Perhaps we are meeting now

*Quote 1 from Desiderata 2 by Rumi

When Morning Comes

morning

When mourning comes

The slow and painful rise of awareness

Bright and shocking to our confused eyes

When the tears fall for the Unlived Life

And the thoughts come of What Could Have Been

The Should Have Been’s

The If Only’s

Do we deny, then, or accept?

When mourning comes and the tidal waves of deep regret

Stick to your cheeks, smearing them with agony and loneliness

And your heart screams, why can’t it be different?

I should have known

And you look stupidly at your own ignorance

Mad at something that makes no sense to be mad at

Oh but so, so mad

And sad

The piercing bitterness rises

When mourning comes

And morning always comes

Do we deny, then, or accept?

Can we forgive ourselves for the Not Knowing

Can we start to see through new eyes

Polished, clearer from our suffering

And see — truly see — that there is no other way for any of us

To live this journey

Except exactly as it is

Surrender

surrender

Oh sweet surrender!

I lie in the arms of my beloved

And breathe a sigh of relief

It is not up to me

It is not up to me

How tightly I held on!

And for so long

Grasping at straws

Greedy for answers

On my timeline

My ego screeched —

Begging, suffering, fighting

Struggling, striving

Needlessly

Needlessly!

Like fighting the wind

Or the stars

Demanding control of that which cannot be!

To think I actually wanted answers when I wanted them

How boring

How stale

How unimaginative

The juice of life lives in the Unknown

I was an ant believing I was an elephant

Now I am an ant and know I am an ant

Oh sweet, sweet surrender

I grasp nothing

Nor is there any need…

A Worthy Endeavor

I feel Hope rise up, filling me

Pouring out my eyes

Gratitude bursting out of my heart

I think it just grew about three sizes

At the very same time

I feel scared shitless

Not a great word for a poem, maybe

But True

It is scary to Hope

Because it’s Dark Partner – Disappointment —

Has Crushed me more time than I can count

“Don’t hope at all, don’t feel this much…”

Some small voice begs from deep inside my soul

But the Hope is too powerful

And it flushes my entire system with this kind of warm glow

Another part of me smiling and shouting with joy

I LOVE EVERYBODY!!!!

It is so hard to not get attached to emotions like this —

To know they will change

Why is it that when we’re in the depths of despair

It feels like the pain will Never Shift

It feels like the suffering is endless

We so easily forget the small beautiful moments

Heart-aches somehow solidify more

Hook into us

Yet

When we Hope, when we Love, when we Feel Amazing

There is a voice that cautions,

“Now now – not too much…

Don’t be too happy…

The other shoe’s is about to drop…”

It’s true and false at the same time

Feelings move

That is what they do

So I come to the One Great Altar:

Allowance

Knowing I must let myself fully accept This Moment

This Joy

And, with courage, do the same for the inevitable

Other Side.

What an enormous task.

But what a worthy endeavor.