Familiar

Familiar walks around in your favorite, cozy sweats

With a warm, inviting smile on Her face

She has those trustworthy dimples that Charming People have

Familiar gives the best hugs you’ve ever had

But

Familiar is not your friend

She won’t tell you the hugs She’s giving

Are really full of Take

The comfort She is offering has a price like anything

Familiar will hold you your whole life if you let Her

And , oh, what a gift She gives!

But at the end, old and frail, you’ll gaze back up again

She will hold the Life that was yours

No

Familiar is not your friend

 

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Your self

Do you ever realize

How much you prevent yourself from yourself?

Oh it’s a lot

A.

LOT.

I can’t tell you

But when you see it —

In this lifetime or the next or maybe even the one after that

It will blow your mind

and make you feel like The Fool of all fools at the same time

It will be like the first time someone showed you

The photo that captures the teensiest sliver of space

Where we are just dots within dots

and even smaller dots within that

And you will think to yourself

Holy fuck

How starving I have been

And how simple to not have known it

Another Today

 

Do you feel Her — Our Country?

She is weeping

She is desperate that we come out of such wasteful dissonance

Our Ignorance

I blame you and you blame me

But we are on the same side again This Evil

All this violence erupting

Volcanic bursts of killing

Have we become a nation of amputees?

There is a fine line between waiting and deteriorating

Between Consideration and Paralysis

Have we be become the goddamn avocados of the world?

Too ripe or too rotten

Can we not call a spade a spade

But leave the spades who are not spades out?

What is so hard about that?

Who lies there, in the corner, covered in blood today?

It is your mother and my mother

It is your friend and my friend

Our Nation

Our Country

Our Earth

Our Selves

We cry out in reverberating wails of frustration and sadness and anger

But Know This:

Evil does not only not listen, It thrives on our painful confusion

And so I might remind you now —

Jesus came with a sword

The good warrior knows when to retreat and when to draw

Differentiation is key

You are not the Evil

So listen with me

Let us act in consciousness, together

Let us be These United States

Or tomorrow will just be

Another Today

— KH

 

 

 

March

I saw a bad movie last night

With a good line —

“You embrace the suck and you move the fuck on”

So today I March

I wake

I ride

I take

I move into the deep flux of my life and say

YES

Okay

Why Not

Today? Tonight? Done. There.

What have I been doing all these years but

Hiding myself within myself

Tricked into the trap of staying there

I have begged my Captor to let me free

But my Captor was me

and I was not listening

Desperate I whispered let me be uncomfortable

I can take it

But he didn’t believe me

And really, how could he?

I was fucking whis-per-ing

It was all I could muster then

But somehow, I dragged my heavy feet through the mud

These last three days

Or 38 years

And I made it to the other side, wiping off the dried fragments of dirt and blood

Throwing those old boots aside

My bare, raw feet stepping down onto the hot coals in front of me

I don’t run or walk or hide

I just set my gaze to the now

And I March

Fight

There’s a thing They do to you

When they tell you to be good and nice and kind:

They split you in half

Wholeness lost to some ethereal, spiritual idea that Love is all there is

Child, you ain’t that high on the totem pole yet

You gotta work with that ego before you transcend

So, wake up

Or tell me about the world in which you live

I love fantasies

Sometimes, the compassionate thing is to kill

Or withhold

Or love from afar

But God-forbid (yes God-forbid) They teach you that

Sometimes mirroring another’s cruelty or ignorance is the singular chance to bring them into the Light

But we won’t do that when we’re nice and good and kind

Did They do it to you, too?

Split you in half?

And make you an anxious, shit-eating, people-pleasing robot?

Would you be humble enough to admit it if They did?

Did They have you thinking,

“But I don’t want to hurt their feelings!”

As if intentionally you would set out to do just that?

Jesus, you’re not a sociopath

Fearing narcissism is just another rebellion

A way They get you to stay in reactive states

Instead of integrating

None of us needed all that collective, dismissive, groveling crap

I, for one, will no longer be had

I’ll stab back because there is no one I’ll let split me in half

Ever again

No I’m not going back

I see with new, fierce eyes, clarified

My heart begins to grin, whole at last

And satisfied

Do you want to jump in?

Take my hand

Tie the left to the right and fight

It’s a bloody fucking battle, friend

I’m not gonna lie

But when you get to the other side you’ll realize

The war itself made you Unified

Yes it was war that made you unified

Try that on for size

Piece of Me

I was thinking about why I never wrote you

Why I said I’d get back

and didn’t

And I’m sorry

I just didn’t have it in me

I didn’t find it there —

that Thing

There is too much Nothingness for me

In the in-between

I guess this time it’s on my side, ironically

And I’m sorry

I’m sorry you are where you are

I’m sorry I can’t work so hard

For anyone

Anymore

Tears come to my eyes

and I cry

‘cause Something inside me has died

And I think it might be a good thing

But that don’t stop these tears from dropping

Funny how we can mourn the loss of an Unhelpful Thing

Or Way of Being

Death is still a death

I suppose

And so

I try

To let these tears flow

To let you go

But I know you do not go alone

You go along

with a piece of me

 

my heart breaks into a million pieces

a million times

I don’t know how anyone gets through this life, sometimes

the world often feels cold and indifferent

and I suppose it is

and i guess it isn’t, sometimes

but Lately has not been one of Those times

I wonder how I can find more meaning

more love

more – dare I say it? —

happiness

Jinx

(You owe me a coke)

I cannot go back

I will not go artificially up

because I know the horrific downs

I am so alone and yet

Kids.

How can I like them but not think I want them

what on earth would i do with one, needing me

obliterating me

maybe i’m just a selfish freak

then again, it feels selfish to bring something innocent and unique

into a world like this

I don’t know

I would like a partner but he never seems to show up

or he’s weak

or he can’t follow through

or there’s not enough chemistry

I am tired of the tears on my cheeks

I am tired of seeking

I am tired of stopping seeking to just be

I am tired of everything

I am most tired of breaking

no, I am most tired of feeling This Kind of Low

that makes it difficult to breathe

or see

or think

or do

or leave the house, some days

I am angry

where is reprieve?

To whom do I speak?

Can It even hear me?

If It hears, what then?

I don’t see you Changing,Thing!

I’ve changed enough for the both of us, but it don’t seem to matter much

What?

Should I just keep suffering, hoping you’ll wake the fuck up?

Just stay in this god-forsaken place feeling stuck?

no, no

why should i be the only one to have to change? huh?

HUH?

 

Tell You Then

Do you feel me thinking of you
I knew
A long time ago
But I won’t tell you yet
For fear of shattering your fragile cocoon
You, my dear, are about to break into flight!
But no one can tell the caterpillar
Held tight — trapped even — in his silken nest
His body liquefying, parts moving
(Unbeknownst to him
Building something completely new)
That soon he will burst forth
Into his own vibrant dance
Communing with the wind
Into the life he was meant to live
I will be there when you emerge
And I will tell you
Then