Do you feel me thinking of you
I knew
A long time ago
But I won’t tell you yet
For fear of shattering your fragile cocoon
You, my dear, are about to break into flight!
But no one can tell the caterpillar
Held tight — trapped even — in his silken nest
His body liquefying, parts moving
(Unbeknownst to him
Building something completely new)
That soon he will burst forth
Into his own vibrant dance
Communing with the wind
Into the life he was meant to live
I will be there when you emerge
And I will tell you
Then
awareness
Nothing Lost
There is nothing like Deep Knowing
The feeling of enrichment and meaning diving head-first into your own thriving cells
Penetrating you from the core
Breaking you open, raw and alive
Heart expanded about 1000 times
There is no lover like this!
Even the most satisfying sex merely a distant, handicapped contender
Muted against these powerful tides
Brilliant, gushing, flowing, soul-filling
Enlightenment strikes!
Breathless and starkly aware
Heart pumping, eyes wide
Inside still and screaming at the same time
I live! I live! Yes, I am alive!
Nothing can be taken from me that will not be returned
In perfect form
Anything Less-Than will be made whole again
For it is I who creates
Do you see me?!
I have woven myself through your myths and songs, stories and tales
You yourself in this moment
Write ME!
You yourself in this moment
Read me
Feel me
Know me
Coursing through the veins I gave you
Embodied as divine
Fly child
Live and Know
Soak it all up and fear not
For we will return again and again and again
And nothing, nothing in you will ever be
Lost
Nothing in you will
Ever
Be
Lost
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There You Go Again
There you go again
with your stupid fucking Talk
I hear your voice, faint, in the background of my mind
Far-away–like
and controlling at the same time
You never did listen to me
or care about my feelings
You scoffed and spat and screamed malicious things
and blindly, I believed you
But I See you now
I hear you in the background
Fuck that “see no evil” shit
How do you think the Devil hides?
In plain sight.
We all just close our eyes
Pretend He isn’t there and try to look on the bright side
But that’s only one side
And I refuse to see out of only one eye
There you go again
Your voice just settled in
Like the sizzling heat on a cow’s skin
being branded
Thought I wouldn’t notice as you took over slowly
Seeping your way into my being
But you underestimated me
I See Everything
I’m done negotiating
Go ahead and keep on hissing
I’ve stopped my listening
Spin your wheels til there’s nothing left to spin
I’ll just watch, bemused and think
“There you go again…”
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Brick Walls
I’ve been in love with brick walls
Most of my life
Not sure why
Those sturdy stones, beautiful and strong
Built to last
And red
But I mistook the wall for something so much more
than it was
My hands crumble to dust in front of me
I stare at my own abandonment
When did I leave myself
How did I imagine this could love me back
My legs buckle underneath
Turn from bone and flesh and fat
to smoke
There is only brick and cement in front of me
Bouncing my thoughts back into my own head
No arms or legs —
I’ve become the brick
That makes up the wall
That gives nothing to me
Nothing at all
I lie in the gravel street
and hope someone takes me
and builds me into something great
Since I could not
Since I got so lost
On my way home
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When Morning Comes
When mourning comes
The slow and painful rise of awareness
Bright and shocking to our confused eyes
When the tears fall for the Unlived Life
And the thoughts come of What Could Have Been
The Should Have Been’s
The If Only’s
Do we deny, then, or accept?
When mourning comes and the tidal waves of deep regret
Stick to your cheeks, smearing them with agony and loneliness
And your heart screams, why can’t it be different?
I should have known
And you look stupidly at your own ignorance
Mad at something that makes no sense to be mad at
Oh but so, so mad
And sad
The piercing bitterness rises
When mourning comes
And morning always comes
Do we deny, then, or accept?
Can we forgive ourselves for the Not Knowing
Can we start to see through new eyes
Polished, clearer from our suffering
And see — truly see — that there is no other way for any of us
To live this journey
Except exactly as it is
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Surrender
Oh sweet surrender!
I lie in the arms of my beloved
And breathe a sigh of relief
It is not up to me
It is not up to me
How tightly I held on!
And for so long
Grasping at straws
Greedy for answers
On my timeline
My ego screeched —
Begging, suffering, fighting
Struggling, striving
Needlessly
Needlessly!
Like fighting the wind
Or the stars
Demanding control of that which cannot be!
To think I actually wanted answers when I wanted them
How boring
How stale
How unimaginative
The juice of life lives in the Unknown
I was an ant believing I was an elephant
Now I am an ant and know I am an ant
Oh sweet, sweet surrender
I grasp nothing
Nor is there any need…
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It Scares Me, Too
Authenticity
Will the blood drain out of you
Will you run dry, freeze
Turn blue?
No
Why does It scare you so?
Reality a million different things
So take One Genuine Moment
Let the mask you wear fall off your face and smash into jagged pieces
Leave them there on the floor shouting after you as you walk away
Today you can be Great
Watch your tightened fist release
Drop the Preconceived
Stop your wiggling, restless fingers from their insanity —
Perpetuating ideas of control you once bought into
Cementing your self-fulfilling prophecy
No more
See your Expectations vanish back into the world of illusion
Step fully into the richness of This Moment
The one you feared
Why does it scare you so?
The ebb and flow
You know by now life is this and it is that
Both
Give me Authenticity
Give that to me and nothing else
I will drink in your pain, your joy
You ugliness or laughter
But let it be the truth of what is in you
Authentic together — we will know Divine Presence
Which has to do only with
The very breath you ride at this moment
Now
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BoundFree
I thrive in You
I come alive
Through and through you feel me and feed me
Truth’s breeze rushes like a ghost through my broken-open soul
I will never go back
I can never go back
A shattered soul is how the light gets through
Never believed it before
but now I do
Oh, I know
Life won’t be anything close to perfect
Or some fantasy of mine conjured up in the wish-making world of the ego
Begging, grasping, crying out for control always and endlessly
A defeat for the ego is a victory for the Self*
So I let my battered ego lick her wishful wounds
While the Self grows strong and conscious
Through my very own humanity and suffering
I have you and you, you also have me
Without one another we do not thrive
We just stagnate and exist
You, thrashing around in some kind of empty Glory
Me, without purpose
But together we cut through cement like feathered blades of kelly-green grass
Impossibly yet entirely
Tell me — what could be more meaningful than the transformation
Of another being?
In this moment of strength I say
The suffering is worth it
May I remember this in my weakness and may you forgive me
And accept me in All Forms
And may I do the same for You
Bound as we choose to be by this marriage of Awareness
Bound
Only as we choose to be
And I do
*C.G. Jung quote
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The Cherry Tree
Disbelief, my own believing
Chop down the Cherry Tree
Remembering’s deceiving
‘Til we find who we were meant to be
Another lifetime lost in dreaming
Another spent in fantasy –
A lie, which claims it is revealing
A lie who swallows you and me
Reality’s the tougher dealing
They feed us all these toxic seedlings
So find some kind of healthy healing
Turn off your flat-screen TV
———————————-
One foot steeped courageously
In all Life’s Deepest Mysteries
The other pulling desperately
Never quite releasing
Entrenched in sand – heavy, quick
Mud-like, glue-like, sticky, thick
I built this bridge brick by brick
Now I’m standing right on top of it
Straddling two different lands
One foot stuck, one foot free
At least I’ve got these hands
I dig on in; I loosen things
Attempting Hanuman’s mountainous leap
Disbelief was once concealing
The inner faith that I’ve been feeling
Experientially
Never keen on blind following
I’ll take Shraddha, please
———————————–
Illusion sheds
It burns away
I turn my face towards
Today
I whisper to myself —
I say, “Allow…allow…allow…”
“Look!” I exclaim, right out loud
To no one in particular
The Cherry Tree’s alive, I see
It stands quite perpendicular —
Blossomed, fragrant, heavenly
I taste the fruit it offers me
The truth of Life where it belongs —
Back inside of me
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WAKE THE FUCK UP
Stupid fucking people everywhere
You see them out there
Small talking about the weather
They don’t know any better
Rattling on about the latest sale at Marshals
I hear a neighbor’s voice waft into my living room
Cloying and gossipy, “Oh, it’s allllways about HER,” she says so nasally I wonder if her nose is doing the speaking
I get the distinct feeling she’s talking about herself
Just doesn’t know it
I tried to get to my gmail today by pressing the “gm” buttons into my browser
Accidentally took me to female genital mutilation
I guess I pressed the “f”
Women in other places get their clitoris and labia scraped off
Their vaginas sown up
Sometimes without anesthesia
Usually before age 5
They see it as a rite of passage or a sign of purity and honor
I see it as men in fear trying to control women’s power
I see it as the symbol it is – women mutilating their femininity
How long do we suffer blindly?
How long do we fool ourselves to make the shit we eat taste more palatable?
So what kind of poem is this, you wonder?
Where is it going?
I don’t fucking know
People in Ukraine dying and bloodied by government for fighting for rights
In 2014
How are we still this barbaric?
HOW?
There is too much pain in this world
Covered up shoddily by our daily purgings of false importance on Facebook
Or our video game playing addictions – 5 hours a day — or
Anything, really, to take us away from the horrific truth of what is actually going on
All the time
Because we feel helpless
So we hide
Until consciousness again finds us and we are thrust into action
Until we stop asking “how are you” and not giving a fuck about someone’s answer
Until we stop talking about the weather
And start discussing our souls
ariaphoenix 