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Brick Walls

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DSCF9101

I’ve been in love with brick walls

Most of my life

Not sure why

Those sturdy stones, beautiful and strong

Built to last

And red

But I mistook the wall for something so much more

than it was

My hands crumble to dust in front of me

I stare at my own abandonment

When did I leave myself

How did I imagine this could love me back

My legs buckle underneath

Turn from bone and flesh and fat

to smoke

There is only brick and cement in front of me

Bouncing my thoughts back into my own head

No arms or legs —

I’ve become the brick

That makes up the wall

That gives nothing to me

Nothing at all

I lie in the gravel street

and hope someone takes me

and builds me into something great

Since I could not

Since I got so lost

On my way home

You Tell Me

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inner_fight_by_zen_3-d878kvv

I sit in my castle

waiting like a fool

Such a strange-familiar ache

To try and hold all Truths at once

breeds either unity or paralysis

But I am not unified

I have trapped myself here

It is not an evil witch who keeps me

Or some hoped-for Prince

But all the raging parts of my Self fighting this Great Fight

On the battlefield of my soul

I am sore

And tired

There is no one winning

I look so still in my castle

One might think me calm

But The All storms within me

each thing fighting the other equally

Heroes and Nemeses

matched up too perfectly

Am I holding the tension

Or just fucking

frozen?

Maybe you could tell me…

Free

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free

Free

Heart open

Free

Arms spread

Free

Weightless

Free

———————————

Held captive

far too long

Wrists bruised

beyond black and blue

Heart trapped

without song

(The only sound —

the noise of you)

But I took the shackles off today

Let the sun shine on my face

High time I got on my way

Yeah, I left without a trace

You won’t again deny me

of You, I’ll stay aware

and You will never find me

For Darkness can’t see Clear

This feeling penetrates me

Heart open

There’s no fear

No, you won’t ever find me

So search away, my dear

——————————-

Free, I am

Heart open

Free, I am

Arms wide

Free

I feel weightless

Free I am

Inside

Something Wonderful

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selflove

Whatever – what ever — you have

Own it

Embody yourself like you never have before

Take that spirit of yours and

Step In

Into the body you have now

No protesting allowed

Or judgment or fear

Own what is yours to own

Because I swear to you

It feels good

It feels so fucking good

Because no one else can do it for you

Because All that is you will whisper away

If you don’t lay Claim

Don’t let Time steal what you have refused to own

Only you can breathe in You

And breathe out You

And make something Wonderful

 

 

It’s Okay

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twinfl

There’s something you’re waiting for

And it’s okay

You’re allowed

Just to date

To explore

Beat back that invasive shame

Stop sitting down with your self

Just to play The Guilt Games

You and I both know

There is something you’re waiting for

And I swear,

It’s gotta be okay

We gotta make that okay

You were not made

To settle

Or stay for the sake of staying

So you can say

But he’s so nice

Or

She’s a good girl

I can’t hurt her feelings

Can’t make him feel pain

Oh baby, you’re not that arrogant

Are you?

Or that afraid?

Don’t put it on him or her

All that silly blame

Take it back

Own your fate

You were meant to choose something great

Put your heart in charge

Shut the naysayers away

Lock that door

You and I both Know

There’s someone you’re waiting for

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How many levels of hell are there?

Dante is fucking wrong

I have come to deadened space

Alive only with some kind of empty, disgusting, torturous insanity

A white void of horror

There is no God here

There is no God

I beg to be killed but there is no one to do it

And no instruments for my own use in this white sterile room

So I will starve to death on this bitter, pointless existence

And wake back up in this same room

If only I could be in Hell’s 9th level

This level has no number

 

Back to Life

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flame_dragon

Can’t believe I feel it now

I feel it now

This was the fire, missing

Lit up from the inside-out

Barely alive

Graying embers curling into smokey ashes

Flames dying

Can’t believe It found me now

What I sought in others

Found in myself

Outside in, and inside out

Stoked the burning pieces back to life

High, high, racing wild

Caught on fire

Fierce and bright

Can’t believe I feel It now

Something barely gasping breath

Brought back into life

Somewhere in me flames are dying

Somewhere else they’re brought to

Life

 

 

“Safety”

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reflection

You,

Fascinating.

Are you as free as you seem?

Is it madness embracing

your Curiosity

Bound and unbound

attached to risk-taking

But I have to wonder

Are you as free as you seem?

You fascinate me

You’re captivating —

A provocative haunting

in an untamed dream

I am deathly afraid

you are what you seem

Might stay trapped in my prison

Untouched and Unseen

Because you?

You could break me

You could rip through my seams

I crave to Know you

I fear my own screams

Fascinated by you…

chaotic and free?

Or stuffed in a jail cell

Mask on…

Like me?

Wild Thing

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puma

I see

All the Wild Things in you

Do you see them in me

Dancing, screaming, shaking…living

Turbulent things

You think

You aren’t good enough for me

But I know you

I know your wild things

Let yourself be wild enough to know them too

There’s no hero without the villain

There’s no You without the Truth

Accept your sick, your dark, your stale

Only warriors inhale

So who are you…who will you be?

I believe

The ocean lives in each of us

Serene and deep and dangerous

Don’t stay safe in that slender stream

Flow on down and merge with me

I see

All the wild things in you

Do you see them in me

Let’s dance, then, and scream and shake

Love and live

Ride the dream

Turbulence…it ain’t no thang

Be my Warrior King

I’m your Warrior Queen

And This that Lives in each of us?

Just another Wild Thing

What Else Is There?

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799

You tell me to trust —

Surrender —

And I try

But the memories of failure still live

Rejection burned in my mind

Why is Unrequited Love so easy to find?

Seems like the laundry keeps spinning

But it ain’t gettin’ clean

He goes after her, and she goes after someone else

Et cetera, et cetera…

You know what I mean

And so we go — just chasing the dream

Some kind of twisted fantasy

One disappointment after another

Another serving of Passionless Whatever

Oh, yes, another helping for me, please!

Plopped down on my plate like prison-cafeteria slop

You start to feel like you’ve tried everything

Putting yourself out there

Holding yourself in

Taking a date because, well, he’s nice

Refusing the date because he’s just…nice

But that Essence is missing

That thing that breaks a person wide open

So I ask You —

What is there to trust?

Broken open doesn’t often last even when it happens

Diamonds just turn back to dust

So my shaken prayer is this and always this –

Just let me Accept

Because really –

What else is there?