Raw

I am deathly afraid you will strike me down

for opening my mouth

I sit frozen, shaking

an inner-earth-quaking

What if you spear my careful words

crafted from my great need for acceptance

I admit it!

I have crossed the bridge

and put myself Out There

Will I be crucified

Or stoned alive

Each step has led me here and I feel desperate

to take each step back now

What if I have doomed myself

Ruined everything again

Wanted or Needed too much

What if they tell me just to shut the fuck up

And Quit being so stupid

And We can see through your frantic attempts

You silly, useless fool

I cry out

I am so afraid

I am so eager to take-back

But I let it sit

Out There

With all of them

my throat choked from the waiting

Silent judgements killed me once

But I have to Stay

I have to hold strong and steady

I have to brave total annihilation

and trust that the world I knew once

has changed

And the terror just sits in the air

and hangs

 

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“Safety”

reflection

You,

Fascinating.

Are you as free as you seem?

Is it madness embracing

your Curiosity

Bound and unbound

attached to risk-taking

But I have to wonder

Are you as free as you seem?

You fascinate me

You’re captivating —

A provocative haunting

in an untamed dream

I am deathly afraid

you are what you seem

Might stay trapped in my prison

Untouched and Unseen

Because you?

You could break me

You could rip through my seams

I crave to Know you

I fear my own screams

Fascinated by you…

chaotic and free?

Or stuffed in a jail cell

Mask on…

Like me?

Proclamation

wonderwoman

Pick me swiftly

Lift me with the skill of your own unique art

I don’t care what Art it is

Only that you Own It

Draw me, paint me if you please

But first you have to reach me

And for god’s sake, dear man –

First you have to see me

I have no use for pedestal

I have no use for gutter

I may take on the role of Muse, but I won’t be your mother

Do not call me witch, or I’ll use my Witch on you

Leave me off your labels, and I might let you in my room

Honor What Lives Now in me, don’t make it such a fix-ed thing

I am ever-changing

I am Real

I want to be Felt

I am fleshed out and if you don’t know what I’m talking about

I think it’s best you go

I am so sick of your many projections

“She’s probably, like…”

Like what?

Like something you just made up?

What’s the matter little boy,

Couldn’t ask for directions?

Are you too afraid to Actually Know?

When we get through the requisite highs

The heat that meets in the beginning

Can you handle the requisite lows?

I want to know you have What It Takes

Do you have what it takes?

Do you have what it takes to make it through the wretched and hellish, the dark and demeaning?

To scorch your soles on the burning fire and find The Thing with meaning?

Do you?

Did you hesitate?

Then it might be too late for you

You’ve got to Know

Because I do

I’ve been through it all and back again

Intimate with Soul

As enemy and friend

I know exactly what it takes

To discover, to suffer, to die, to create

I will no longer entertain

The fearful, stuck or weak

The He who cannot honor love

The He who cannot reach

I am reserved for the man who can open his eyes

See me fully and stand in his power

Just as I stand

in mine

Feed the Fish

It’s just Fear, I tell myself

The dynamics of my own mind

Keeping me in the tall glass tower

Thunderous Fear words booming through my flimsy glass walls

Shaking me

Threatening breaking me

All the fishes in the pond below have gone

They done swam away

‘Cause Fear had His say

And I have to admit that I’m afraid

Ego petrified

Exposed through these glass walls

Do they see me?

Will they eat me?

Or hate me?

Or beat me?

Or treat me like a leper?

What insult will be thrown my way today?

How will I be maligned —

Vomited on by a Better Kind

Oh, the sad dynamics of my own mind

It’s just Fear I say

Just Fear so you can either

Walk out the tall glass door or stay

It’s just a choice you make

With crumbs of food in my trembling hands

I close the door behind me and feed the fishes

Calling to them,

“There, there, “ I say, “It is safe.”

It was just Fear.