hey you

Something gnaws at me

a guitar pick on the same string

just plucking, plucking

a one track mind

get away from here

Sounds like a pretty good idea, actually

they say water on rock wears the rock away

but even water needs a break

I feel myself fading

amidst All This jaded-heaviness

verbal-vomit-readiness

hiding-behind-the-internet

Cowards and Fakes

it’s getting hard to take

hey

you

wanna run away with me?

let’s get lost in the wilderness

just for a little bit

a brief escape

out where guitar picks play at millions of strings

where there’s no one-track anything

and cool streams shock our bare feet

we can sit side by side

I’ll read you my poems and you’ll sing me your songs

And when it gets cold at night

Maybe you’ll slide your fingers in between mine

And I won’t mind

No

I won’t mind

 

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Wild Thing

puma

I see

All the Wild Things in you

Do you see them in me

Dancing, screaming, shaking…living

Turbulent things

You think

You aren’t good enough for me

But I know you

I know your wild things

Let yourself be wild enough to know them too

There’s no hero without the villain

There’s no You without the Truth

Accept your sick, your dark, your stale

Only warriors inhale

So who are you…who will you be?

I believe

The ocean lives in each of us

Serene and deep and dangerous

Don’t stay safe in that slender stream

Flow on down and merge with me

I see

All the wild things in you

Do you see them in me

Let’s dance, then, and scream and shake

Love and live

Ride the dream

Turbulence…it ain’t no thang

Be my Warrior King

I’m your Warrior Queen

And This that Lives in each of us?

Just another Wild Thing

One Day

One day

I will write poems about butterflies

Even though it’s been done a million times

I’ll make it feel like the very first time

I’ll write about vibrant colors like indigo and mandarin

Wax on about hot chocolate with cinnamon

I will talk about bodies of water using

Delicious descriptions

(I’ll never call a brook babbling)

I will write like I’m high on Life’s Vibes

And be able to turn mundane things

Into fields of wild ecstacy, and purple poppies

And crème brulee

And you will never again call those things mundane

One day

I will glide through each moment in flowing step

Harmonizing my feet with the energy underneath

I will know I’m on my way to the grave

And it will just be another glorious day

Another birth but no longer a slave

Oh yes I will be completely free

And I will write of it in Hope’s great name

And that you might float along with me

Flowing down the brook that’s babbling…

Oops

Well….

One day…

Nameless

…and in the dark corridors that twist and turn

I try

And find My Way

By alternately letting go,

Then claiming it

Discovering and rediscovering

Learning through stumbling —

Which is the right way?

Which unknown tunnel to take?

All the while the body dies

With each unsuccessful Try

What is Inside cries out from years and years

Of unending abuse:

You get no more tries!

I am defeated

For how can one go on without any more tries?

I wish to be

Who I was born to be

But that fate is ever changing

Dependent on a defeated me

Who needs more tries, more chances

Whose body says, No…

Now

I hurt you.

And I cannot blame her for the betrayal

When I have betrayed her more times than I can count

I am lost in the dark corridors

I won’t be found.

I am the Chanceless, Handless maiden.

At night

You might

Hear my cries echoing from way below ground —

Wandering, howling, haunted

Hoping one day someone else might be strong enough

To tell Our story –

To find Her own Way

Out…

With This Loss

With this loss

I’m at a loss

I cannot write

Or sing

Or cry

There is Nothing Left

But a memory

Of something I had hoped would be,

Fully.

Gone…

My dreams show me The Tragedy

That in my Living State I cannot see

Or feel

It would be too great a pain

Funny how the psyche works —

Kicks in like it does

Disconnects us from the stuff

We’d never be able to get through

Meanwhile, I type

But do not mistake it for writing

These are the apathetic, colorless words

Of a poet who is no longer a poet

This is the guarded, shaded voice of a person

Who will not touch love again in the same way

Because This State is not worth it

Perhaps you say

“You’ll move through”

Perhaps you are being kind but naive

One Door

Has shut

And you can be sure

That Door (for there was never another like it)

Will not be opened.

With this loss

I am merely a whisper of the person

I was.

Fragile

Fragile girl

You hold the world

In the brightness of your eyes

The blue in them reaches me

I have cried the way you’ve cried

Fragile girl

I see you, so!

I see your light inside

So many gifts within your soul

I’d be ruined if you died

Fragile girl

My heart pleads

Keep fighting this blackest night

The journey will get easier

If you don’t give up the fight

Fragile girl, I won’t lie and say

I know what the future holds

But I beg you to stay with it all

Let your life unfold

Living’s so much harder than I ever thought it’d be

No one told us life would include so much suffering

Oh fragile girl

You’re not just fragile, girl

Inside – the strength of stone!

I see this clearly because one can only understand

What one also

Knows

No More Easy

There is no more Easy

I have gone way, way…

Way too far in

I have Seen Things most won’t ever See

I have taken flight on hellish wings

Clasped hands with dead visionaries

While friends from this 2013

Somehow don’t seem as real to me

Life will never again be “Fun”

In the way the Unencumbered use the term

Fun like carefree

Fun like light

No, The Work comes with it a weighted plight

The kind that can’t just breeze by anymore

The kind that’s tethered to Something More

A bigger fate, behind the scenes

We carry the cross

For Others’ dreams

And know, as we tread the weathered road

There is no more

Easy.

UNREALIZED

I am starting to Begin

To realize

All I have Unrealized

The things I have known

That have been shoved way down deep inside

Though prying fingers have tried to open up

The Vault in me

It stayed cemented shut

If I couldn’t get to it

You sure as hell weren’t going to

But somehow

The cement has begun to soften

Sticky now, like it wants to be

Pried open

Torn apart

Ripped open

Blown apart

Exposing fully

The human vulnerability that is

me

Heart-Throbbing in the open space

Of human community

Feeling the Everyone-Air touch my Raw Wounded soul

And very slowly

Ever-so-slowly

Begin to Know

When I am hurt again

(for that can’t be prevented)

My Greatest Strength will protect me:

My vulnerability

My ability to Feel All These Things

To move through them in my community

And know

Really Know

That though the individual journey is On My Own

I am never, ever

Alone.

And as I continue to uncover my soul

I begin to unweave

The Unrealized Me.