It’s Okay

twinfl

There’s something you’re waiting for

And it’s okay

You’re allowed

Just to date

To explore

Beat back that invasive shame

Stop sitting down with your self

Just to play The Guilt Games

You and I both know

There is something you’re waiting for

And I swear,

It’s gotta be okay

We gotta make that okay

You were not made

To settle

Or stay for the sake of staying

So you can say

But he’s so nice

Or

She’s a good girl

I can’t hurt her feelings

Can’t make him feel pain

Oh baby, you’re not that arrogant

Are you?

Or that afraid?

Don’t put it on him or her

All that silly blame

Take it back

Own your fate

You were meant to choose something great

Put your heart in charge

Shut the naysayers away

Lock that door

You and I both Know

There’s someone you’re waiting for

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“Safety”

reflection

You,

Fascinating.

Are you as free as you seem?

Is it madness embracing

your Curiosity

Bound and unbound

attached to risk-taking

But I have to wonder

Are you as free as you seem?

You fascinate me

You’re captivating —

A provocative haunting

in an untamed dream

I am deathly afraid

you are what you seem

Might stay trapped in my prison

Untouched and Unseen

Because you?

You could break me

You could rip through my seams

I crave to Know you

I fear my own screams

Fascinated by you…

chaotic and free?

Or stuffed in a jail cell

Mask on…

Like me?

What Else Is There?

 

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You tell me to trust —

Surrender —

And I try

But the memories of failure still live

Rejection burned in my mind

Why is Unrequited Love so easy to find?

Seems like the laundry keeps spinning

But it ain’t gettin’ clean

He goes after her, and she goes after someone else

Et cetera, et cetera…

You know what I mean

And so we go — just chasing the dream

Some kind of twisted fantasy

One disappointment after another

Another serving of Passionless Whatever

Oh, yes, another helping for me, please!

Plopped down on my plate like prison-cafeteria slop

You start to feel like you’ve tried everything

Putting yourself out there

Holding yourself in

Taking a date because, well, he’s nice

Refusing the date because he’s just…nice

But that Essence is missing

That thing that breaks a person wide open

So I ask You —

What is there to trust?

Broken open doesn’t often last even when it happens

Diamonds just turn back to dust

So my shaken prayer is this and always this –

Just let me Accept

Because really –

What else is there?

 

When Morning Comes

morning

When mourning comes

The slow and painful rise of awareness

Bright and shocking to our confused eyes

When the tears fall for the Unlived Life

And the thoughts come of What Could Have Been

The Should Have Been’s

The If Only’s

Do we deny, then, or accept?

When mourning comes and the tidal waves of deep regret

Stick to your cheeks, smearing them with agony and loneliness

And your heart screams, why can’t it be different?

I should have known

And you look stupidly at your own ignorance

Mad at something that makes no sense to be mad at

Oh but so, so mad

And sad

The piercing bitterness rises

When mourning comes

And morning always comes

Do we deny, then, or accept?

Can we forgive ourselves for the Not Knowing

Can we start to see through new eyes

Polished, clearer from our suffering

And see — truly see — that there is no other way for any of us

To live this journey

Except exactly as it is

An Invitation

broken_wings_by_mendha-d4i4am8

Come to me with your broken pieces

I have a special kind of glue

I can only use it on one person

I have chosen you

Come to me with your broken wings

I’ve got an extra pair

Been saving them since 17

‘Case you ever came back here

Come to me with your bitter rage

There’s an elixir that I’ve mixed

Made from truth and bond and love

Free of traps and tricks

Come to me, if you will

I won’t ever force your hand

It’s merely an invitation, love

Never a command

I wait for you to realize what I have always known

I loved you then and now and always

Been forever yours, alone

I hang here in the balance

In the darkness of lost years

My palm is open, wondering

If you’ll master all your fears…

 

 

A Soul I Know

firstlove

Why bring things back around like this

It happens rarely

Scarcely

A billion different ways life goes

And you came back to me

My heart so full, no room for speech

In fact, I think I cried for you

Sitting there across from me

A soul I know

A soul I don’t

Simultaneously

I see your eyes reach for me while

Your hands keep me away

Could it be this serendipity’s

Just a torturous trick of fate?

They say love is all around us

But what good would that be

If you cannot untrap your soul

Let it reside with me?

I simply go on living

For what else is there to do

Store away my Depth of Feeling

It lived for only you

What Cruel Thing would bring us back together

But never let us manifest?

I won’t let myself believe it yet

Would be too much to bear

Would snatch the last shred of hope I have

And throw it in the fire

The Webweaver

webweaver

I am the Webweaver

the spider

I create my own destiny

But only

Always only

Because You flow through me

Sincere humility the only thing to birth true power

Do you feel it rise up in you

like I do in me

Oh my god

the high

so heady

But there now, soft

Bring it back down

stop the threading of soul for a breath

Lest we lose our connection to what gives us our breath

Oh then, it’s amped up again

let’s connect

you and me

Webweaver and demon seed

Ravish me

Ravish me

ravish me

And it will be holy

Bad-Bad

DemonLover

Where you been

Demon-Lover friend?

You left me again

Crawling up these walls

Clawing my nails into them

But I want them in your skin instead

It’s a fantasy so

Let’s play pretend

I know you aren’t my forever man

But let’s be bad

Come to my bed; slide on in

Fuck this being good

Holding all the tension in

I want to sin with you

Sink my hooks on in

Let you do what I want you to

Front door’s open

Just come in

Allow our fantasies to live

Sweat and passion and perfectness

There’s no room for humanness with you

But I don’t want to be human with you

Lets mix with the gods for an hour or two

Because the Mundane Tomorrow always comes

It always comes

Such a bitter truth

Tonight let’s smash through collective rules

Dive deep into our own depravity

Oh, this bondage of morality!

I’m tired of it, I’m just like you

See…

Either way we stay a slave to light or dark

So why behave?

To scrawl, “I Was Good” upon my grave?

Good’s so overrated, babe

So, instead…I’ll let you in

Just come this way

Come this way

Life

icaniwill

 

I will write in spite of that black cement wall son-of-a-bitch writer’s block

I will dream, let them come — the demonic, the erotic, the night sea journeys, the sirens, the earthquakes and alchemical pools of lakes and hot tubs, and the way I can always fly up and across the sky — get there quicker than the rest of them

I will paint – my modest, laughable pieces of art

Art that does not come easy like that one girl you can’t forget for precisely that reason

But art that comes, nonetheless, because it means something to me

Some young, simple, eager expression of my soul

I will do – because my soul Calls to me to do – to create to develop and yes,

I will be

Still, with eyes closed feeling the vibrations of the Universe shiver through my body as it circles gently and only ever so slightly, round and round and round…

I will dance, not like nobody’s watching because, hello! people are fucking watching – but I will do it anyway because that is my brave

I will kiss. I will kiss with passion and abandon and suck in that lower lip just a little bit if he lets me, and then soft, stop. Barely touching my lips to his, a whisper of a kiss…to see what he will…

I will breathe from the bottom of my spine up past the crown of my head; I will let the life force ride on my breath expanding in me like oceans of air cleansing my broken, cynical soul

I will shop. Online shop.

Because fuck, once in a while, I do like to shop online. And “mall energy” is the worst.

I will ride the waves of my vast emotions as if they were made from wings of gold I could fly upon; I will honor the highs and lows as equals because — ego aside – they are

I will love

I will love with these warm feelings that wrap their joy and compassion around me and then move outward so that they may reach you. I hope they reach you.

I will accept life as She is. There can be no other way. None of us are spared getting fucked over by Verizon at some point in life. Or AT&T. Or…eh, just pick a company.

And of course, so very, very much worse. But I will be unspared with you.

I will Open…so that I may let a love like mine find me

I will explore, and wonder, and try, and feel, and hope, and cry, and listen, sacredly

And in all of this…

I will live.

 

FLY

 

Image

 

See that box there?

Don’t try and put me in it

Beautiful contradictions don’t fit in boxes

Labels —

So feeble minds can try and make sense of the nonsensical,

The Impossibly Complex,

Like You

Or Me

Stop trying to Know

What Clings to your clothes?

When you walk down the street, do you know what They say about you?

Stop listening

They do not matter

I’ll tell you a secret

You do not have to accept the projections

Look up at them with Clear eyes and smile

Perhaps turn your head side to side and wonder aloud,

“Who are you talking about? Because that, dear one,

Is not me.”

Let them see who they really speak of!

Hold the mirror up!

Who wrote on you with permanent marker?

Lies —

Permanent marker comes out if you keep at it

I breathe in air free of past illusions

I wear nothing but Change

I speak in tongues and ride the wind

I kiss my sweet animal body

Humility and Empowerment keep me sharpie-free

Join me

Rinse off what has trapped your gorgeous soul

And Fly