MIRROR

Inside the blue-gray bits of fragile, broken shell

Lies the Empty Space of something hatched

But where did it go?

What was it?

Is it safe?

Edges make jagged points too delicate to be taken seriously

Touching them would only crack them further

And they are cracked enough

Sitting desperately,

Open

Like sad little arms reaching up and out

Wishing those they carried would return to fill the Loneliness

But there is only me,

Staring

On the outside peering in

Wishing I could help ease their suffering

But then I think

These are merely shells…

What in me

Sees Such Things?

 

 

 

 

Exclamation!

I am opened

I can See

Revelations aren’t mere fascinations to me

Oh sweetest of all symphonies

I hear your voice sing to me in melodies unparalleled

Held in a Heart that is ours

There is no procrastination

Or destination

Time deconstructed

“Vacation” is the true state of our nation

If only we would give it our attention

In each moment

Do you get it

It is not merely about elation

Or some kind of Light-Only Spiritualization

But complete connection to What Is Now –

The Way

The Tao

Stop your desperate searching for inspiration

Give to yourself your own imagination

Manifestation only one element

Of All that Is

We could never Live

In only Light

The fight is the Matrix

Takes us out of the flow

Accept them both – the ebb, the flow

And begin to Know

The truth of your Soul

That One is always Two ‘til there’s complete integration

Which then  — exclamation! – creates

The Whole.

YOU ARE

I am Radiance

I am the Joyous Dancer

Mountains still the dissonance

See your Great Accomplishments!

Feel your own Benevolance

They speak through me

To beg you:

Please!

Know yourself as you know Me!

I AM Radiance

And so are thee

Dance and Sing and Love with me

Be still

Be soft

Be wildly

Free

We Shamans

In different days and different waters

We Shamans would pass through Worlds

Now we’re just our Mother’s daughters

Untold stories rotting girls

In times of old Where Warriors Walked

Was known as Sacred Ground

We’ve lost the Native’s Way of Respect

Look what, instead, we’ve found —

We all go inward but not to ourselves

To shiny silver machines

Detached from the world around us

Let go the World of Dreams —

That now equate to “what’s achieved”

Instead of simply Listening —

Unfolding messages we receive

Within the Very Real Dreams

That nightly we are dreaming!

Oh, how I lament our great descent

The fall of Symbolic Meaning

Remember who you are Brave Souls

Fear not the Darkness gleaming

We Shamans lift our heavy shovels

Working with Collective Shadow

Almost beyond repair

Tell me, friend, about Your Shovel —

Does it show signs of wear?

In ancient days there was a place

For those who lived beyond life’s bounds

Those who dove to the darkest depths

And managed not to drown

In different days and different waters

We Shamans passed through Worlds

Now we’re just our Mother’s daughters

Untold stories rotting girls

BODY SPEAKS

This is the last ditch

The one I never wanted to show you

Or have to use

But you refuse to hear me

So I must turn on you

Ouroboros

I will consume you

Regenerate you through death

Since there seems to be no listening

No, there’s nothing left

This is the very last ditch

One dug inch by painful inch

Screaming out from your gut

Oh Great Intuitive

Who says she Sees but is blinded by

The sickness of her damaged mind

Who will die before it surrenders

Ah and yes

How it will die

The ditch I dig is 8 feet deep

But the time it takes to get nestled in

Will come in waves of searing pain

Of blinding hellish suffering

I did not wish this fate on us!

For what I do to you

Is done to me too

For I am Bound by you

I am bound by you!

Useless piece of rotting flesh!

Deaf beyond all kinds of Deaf!

I hate you for making us suffer this!

But we must pay

I will make us pay

Your betrayal will look like child’s play

When finally the gift of Death

Is bestowed upon your name

And they’ll all cry and say kind things

But you will know our deepest truth –

You wasted me.

You wasted me.

Nameless

…and in the dark corridors that twist and turn

I try

And find My Way

By alternately letting go,

Then claiming it

Discovering and rediscovering

Learning through stumbling —

Which is the right way?

Which unknown tunnel to take?

All the while the body dies

With each unsuccessful Try

What is Inside cries out from years and years

Of unending abuse:

You get no more tries!

I am defeated

For how can one go on without any more tries?

I wish to be

Who I was born to be

But that fate is ever changing

Dependent on a defeated me

Who needs more tries, more chances

Whose body says, No…

Now

I hurt you.

And I cannot blame her for the betrayal

When I have betrayed her more times than I can count

I am lost in the dark corridors

I won’t be found.

I am the Chanceless, Handless maiden.

At night

You might

Hear my cries echoing from way below ground —

Wandering, howling, haunted

Hoping one day someone else might be strong enough

To tell Our story –

To find Her own Way

Out…

The Mother Within

Today

The Great Shift came

Finally

I’d been waiting and waiting

So many days in so many lives

To finally see

This Softer side

She came to me

Today

Together we wept for The Child That Was

She promised she would not leave

She would take care of me

I still see the little girl

Standing at the front door with the stained-glass

In the too-short white dress

That grandma made

Holding a gift in her hands

With a huge, excited smile on her face

Eyes squeezed in glee

Shaped like little, happy crescent moons

I will be the one she needs

I will be the Empathetic Listener

Guide her, help her, love her

Today

The Great Shift came

And I….

Became a mother.

With This Loss

With this loss

I’m at a loss

I cannot write

Or sing

Or cry

There is Nothing Left

But a memory

Of something I had hoped would be,

Fully.

Gone…

My dreams show me The Tragedy

That in my Living State I cannot see

Or feel

It would be too great a pain

Funny how the psyche works —

Kicks in like it does

Disconnects us from the stuff

We’d never be able to get through

Meanwhile, I type

But do not mistake it for writing

These are the apathetic, colorless words

Of a poet who is no longer a poet

This is the guarded, shaded voice of a person

Who will not touch love again in the same way

Because This State is not worth it

Perhaps you say

“You’ll move through”

Perhaps you are being kind but naive

One Door

Has shut

And you can be sure

That Door (for there was never another like it)

Will not be opened.

With this loss

I am merely a whisper of the person

I was.

Tomorrow

Don’t know what to do right now

Just trying to get to tomorrow

My brain is fried

My soul, it hurts

Filled with such deep sorrow

And I really wish that I could write

About funny, happy things sometimes

I know this Heavy stuff gets old

These little torturous rhymes

But what can I say?

It is the world I am in

I don’t know how to set down this load

My shoulders ache

From the constant quake

Of stories I am told

I wish I were a comedienne

So I could lighten your load

Make a smile spread ‘cross your face

But I’ve lost all my funny bones

And here I sit, holding such weight

Trying to “Let it go”

But Knowing truth underneath

Cannot be Unknown

So here I sit another night

Another sadness

Another fight

And I’m just tryin’ to find

Tomorrow.

Sweetness Embodied

Will I ever see

Sweetness embodied?

Will I ever be

Who I was meant to be

Free of the never-ending Craving

Or will I just get used to it?

Will it stay with me like this

Like some kind of Over-Lay

Stifling and comforting

Horrific and Binding

Loving and Blinding

Murderous

Luminous

The Two Sides of me

Universally embodied in this one human frame

I ought not complain

For this gift of living so close to the edge

Befriending the insane

Riding the line that’s ever-so-fine

And I —

Lucky, really —

To not fall off permanently on that Other Side

But still I crave to know You better

But who is it that Craves in me

For —

To Know You better means more suffering

Sometimes I wish I were simpler

I wish I could go back to the ignorance

The small talk about something Surface

But there is No Return from This

I must simply go through

A piece of laundry

Just thrown in the mix

Trying to reach

Cleanliness

The process to get there tumultuous

Torturous

But I’m egged on by talk of Bliss

Of tenderness

Of the idea that sweetness can be

Embodied.