loss

Paul

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

paul_walker71

 

I don’t know why you affect me like you do

Can’t even write yet without sobbing about you

Had three of my best friends reach out to me

Told me of your passing because they knew

They knew how I loved you

How can it be

That someone we don’t even know personally

Affects us so deeply

Touches such Humanity

That place in us all where we feel Divinity

And we felt yours

Not just the other day

When the car burst into flames

When the joy ride of your life

Took you away

No not just then

Your life was felt while you were here!

Could there be anything that matters more

Presence being felt

Just knowing you were Here meant something to me

And I only understand that from the sharp realization

That now you’re gone

I was out buying a curtain rod

Looked down at the text I got

“Paul Walker died.”

Felt my heart drop

It wasn’t about your fame or your beauty

But the light that shone through

Your humility and honesty

And blue-eyed speaking truth

And that smile

Oh that smile

That when you graced us with it

Everything else melted away

I promise I will carry it within me

Even as I ache

There will never be another smile

Quite

The same.

 

With This Loss

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

With this loss

I’m at a loss

I cannot write

Or sing

Or cry

There is Nothing Left

But a memory

Of something I had hoped would be,

Fully.

Gone…

My dreams show me The Tragedy

That in my Living State I cannot see

Or feel

It would be too great a pain

Funny how the psyche works —

Kicks in like it does

Disconnects us from the stuff

We’d never be able to get through

Meanwhile, I type

But do not mistake it for writing

These are the apathetic, colorless words

Of a poet who is no longer a poet

This is the guarded, shaded voice of a person

Who will not touch love again in the same way

Because This State is not worth it

Perhaps you say

“You’ll move through”

Perhaps you are being kind but naive

One Door

Has shut

And you can be sure

That Door (for there was never another like it)

Will not be opened.

With this loss

I am merely a whisper of the person

I was.

Tomorrow

AriaPhoenix Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Don’t know what to do right now

Just trying to get to tomorrow

My brain is fried

My soul, it hurts

Filled with such deep sorrow

And I really wish that I could write

About funny, happy things sometimes

I know this Heavy stuff gets old

These little torturous rhymes

But what can I say?

It is the world I am in

I don’t know how to set down this load

My shoulders ache

From the constant quake

Of stories I am told

I wish I were a comedienne

So I could lighten your load

Make a smile spread ‘cross your face

But I’ve lost all my funny bones

And here I sit, holding such weight

Trying to “Let it go”

But Knowing truth underneath

Cannot be Unknown

So here I sit another night

Another sadness

Another fight

And I’m just tryin’ to find

Tomorrow.