47 Seconds

I walk in

just to see his smile

for 47 seconds

It’s the kind you hear about —

the kind that Lights Up everything

I wonder if he is always the sun inside himself?

like he is the sun for me

Good God I’m grateful he exists

in a world Like This

I don’t even need a drink today

I just need those 47 seconds

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Happy

Everybody wants me to be happy

perhaps because they cannot stand to face their own unhappiness

but I am not happy

the world is fraught with horrific things that I cannot Unsee or Unknow

I check my feed to see who’s been slaughtered today

and people want me to be happy

the murdered child

the bombings and beheadings

the shooting victims

the acid victims

The great vat of spiritual bypass

and desperate clinging to the last shreds of your own denial

even as our world implodes

but you dare ask me to be happy

fuck your happy

goddamn fuck your happy