I feel Hope rise up, filling me
Pouring out my eyes
Gratitude bursting out of my heart
I think it just grew about three sizes
At the very same time
I feel scared shitless
Not a great word for a poem, maybe
But True
It is scary to Hope
Because it’s Dark Partner – Disappointment —
Has Crushed me more time than I can count
“Don’t hope at all, don’t feel this much…”
Some small voice begs from deep inside my soul
But the Hope is too powerful
And it flushes my entire system with this kind of warm glow
Another part of me smiling and shouting with joy
I LOVE EVERYBODY!!!!
It is so hard to not get attached to emotions like this —
To know they will change
Why is it that when we’re in the depths of despair
It feels like the pain will Never Shift
It feels like the suffering is endless
We so easily forget the small beautiful moments
Heart-aches somehow solidify more
Hook into us
Yet
When we Hope, when we Love, when we Feel Amazing
There is a voice that cautions,
“Now now – not too much…
Don’t be too happy…
The other shoe’s is about to drop…”
It’s true and false at the same time
Feelings move
That is what they do
So I come to the One Great Altar:
Allowance
Knowing I must let myself fully accept This Moment
This Joy
And, with courage, do the same for the inevitable
Other Side.
What an enormous task.
But what a worthy endeavor.
ariaphoenix 