psychology

Nothing Lost

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There is nothing like Deep Knowing

The feeling of enrichment and meaning diving head-first into your own thriving cells

Penetrating you from the core

Breaking you open, raw and alive

Heart expanded about 1000 times

There is no lover like this!

Even the most satisfying sex merely a distant, handicapped contender

Muted against these powerful tides

Brilliant, gushing, flowing, soul-filling

Enlightenment strikes!

Breathless and starkly aware

Heart pumping, eyes wide

Inside still and screaming at the same time

I live! I live! Yes, I am alive!

Nothing can be taken from me that will not be returned

In perfect form

Anything Less-Than will be made whole again

For it is I who creates

Do you see me?!

I have woven myself through your myths and songs, stories and tales

You yourself in this moment

Write ME!

You yourself in this moment

Read me

Feel me

Know me

Coursing through the veins I gave you

Embodied as divine

Fly child

Live and Know

Soak it all up and fear not

For we will return again and again and again

And nothing, nothing in you will ever be

Lost

Nothing in you will

Ever

Be

Lost

Raw

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I am deathly afraid you will strike me down

for opening my mouth

I sit frozen, shaking

an inner-earth-quaking

What if you spear my careful words

crafted from my great need for acceptance

I admit it!

I have crossed the bridge

and put myself Out There

Will I be crucified

Or stoned alive

Each step has led me here and I feel desperate

to take each step back now

What if I have doomed myself

Ruined everything again

Wanted or Needed too much

What if they tell me just to shut the fuck up

And Quit being so stupid

And We can see through your frantic attempts

You silly, useless fool

I cry out

I am so afraid

I am so eager to take-back

But I let it sit

Out There

With all of them

my throat choked from the waiting

Silent judgements killed me once

But I have to Stay

I have to hold strong and steady

I have to brave total annihilation

and trust that the world I knew once

has changed

And the terror just sits in the air

and hangs

 

There You Go Again

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There you go again

with your stupid fucking Talk

I hear your voice, faint, in the background of my mind

Far-away–like

and controlling at the same time

You never did listen to me

or care about my feelings

You scoffed and spat and screamed malicious things

and blindly, I believed you

But I See you now

I hear you in the background

Fuck that “see no evil” shit

How do you think the Devil hides?

In plain sight.

We all just close our eyes

Pretend He isn’t there and try to look on the bright side

But that’s only one side

And I refuse to see out of only one eye

There you go again

Your voice just settled in

Like the sizzling heat on a cow’s skin

being branded

Thought I wouldn’t notice as you took over slowly

Seeping your way into my being

But you underestimated me

I See Everything

I’m done negotiating

Go ahead and keep on hissing

I’ve stopped my listening

Spin your wheels til there’s nothing left to spin

I’ll just watch, bemused and think

“There you go again…”

No Hope

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Eyes burned wide open

can’t cry anymore

Numb to emotion

’cause I’ve seen it before

Nothing tugs at my heartstrings

No harp strings to play

’cause the instrument’s broken

Strings are all frayed

The bird that is Hope can’t perch or sing

an’ she’s getting so tired of flappin’ her wings

No heart to land on

Just bits on the floor

No respite, no Inn

Then

No Hope anymore

Satisfied

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daenerys

I’m not angry anymore

You run like mad from your own feelings

Wild, crazed, lost

And then say that I am Those Things

Ha.

You are a good man — somewhere –

But you are afraid

I cry for you who lives under the burden of this society

That says men don’t

The mask you wear is hardening

Be careful, boy

Sometimes masks get cemented into place

Undifferentiated

I am no longer offended

Or disappointed

Or think there must be something wrong with me

The haze has lifted

I’ve done the work

I see clearly

How fast, how furiously

You run

And I have no desire to run away with you

No

Give me the meat of life

I will sink in my claws and suck the juice of it all out

It will dribble down my chin and I will grin, widely

Supremely satisfied

Something Wonderful

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selflove

Whatever – what ever — you have

Own it

Embody yourself like you never have before

Take that spirit of yours and

Step In

Into the body you have now

No protesting allowed

Or judgment or fear

Own what is yours to own

Because I swear to you

It feels good

It feels so fucking good

Because no one else can do it for you

Because All that is you will whisper away

If you don’t lay Claim

Don’t let Time steal what you have refused to own

Only you can breathe in You

And breathe out You

And make something Wonderful

 

 

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How many levels of hell are there?

Dante is fucking wrong

I have come to deadened space

Alive only with some kind of empty, disgusting, torturous insanity

A white void of horror

There is no God here

There is no God

I beg to be killed but there is no one to do it

And no instruments for my own use in this white sterile room

So I will starve to death on this bitter, pointless existence

And wake back up in this same room

If only I could be in Hell’s 9th level

This level has no number

 

Back to Life

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flame_dragon

Can’t believe I feel it now

I feel it now

This was the fire, missing

Lit up from the inside-out

Barely alive

Graying embers curling into smokey ashes

Flames dying

Can’t believe It found me now

What I sought in others

Found in myself

Outside in, and inside out

Stoked the burning pieces back to life

High, high, racing wild

Caught on fire

Fierce and bright

Can’t believe I feel It now

Something barely gasping breath

Brought back into life

Somewhere in me flames are dying

Somewhere else they’re brought to

Life

 

 

“Safety”

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reflection

You,

Fascinating.

Are you as free as you seem?

Is it madness embracing

your Curiosity

Bound and unbound

attached to risk-taking

But I have to wonder

Are you as free as you seem?

You fascinate me

You’re captivating —

A provocative haunting

in an untamed dream

I am deathly afraid

you are what you seem

Might stay trapped in my prison

Untouched and Unseen

Because you?

You could break me

You could rip through my seams

I crave to Know you

I fear my own screams

Fascinated by you…

chaotic and free?

Or stuffed in a jail cell

Mask on…

Like me?

Wild Thing

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puma

I see

All the Wild Things in you

Do you see them in me

Dancing, screaming, shaking…living

Turbulent things

You think

You aren’t good enough for me

But I know you

I know your wild things

Let yourself be wild enough to know them too

There’s no hero without the villain

There’s no You without the Truth

Accept your sick, your dark, your stale

Only warriors inhale

So who are you…who will you be?

I believe

The ocean lives in each of us

Serene and deep and dangerous

Don’t stay safe in that slender stream

Flow on down and merge with me

I see

All the wild things in you

Do you see them in me

Let’s dance, then, and scream and shake

Love and live

Ride the dream

Turbulence…it ain’t no thang

Be my Warrior King

I’m your Warrior Queen

And This that Lives in each of us?

Just another Wild Thing