I am deathly afraid you will strike me down
for opening my mouth
I sit frozen, shaking
an inner-earth-quaking
What if you spear my careful words
crafted from my great need for acceptance
I admit it!
I have crossed the bridge
and put myself Out There
Will I be crucified
Or stoned alive
Each step has led me here and I feel desperate
to take each step back now
What if I have doomed myself
Ruined everything again
Wanted or Needed too much
What if they tell me just to shut the fuck up
And Quit being so stupid
And We can see through your frantic attempts
You silly, useless fool
I cry out
I am so afraid
I am so eager to take-back
But I let it sit
Out There
With all of them
my throat choked from the waiting
Silent judgements killed me once
But I have to Stay
I have to hold strong and steady
I have to brave total annihilation
and trust that the world I knew once
has changed
And the terror just sits in the air
and hangs
ariaphoenix 