Eyes burned wide open
can’t cry anymore
Numb to emotion
’cause I’ve seen it before
Nothing tugs at my heartstrings
No harp strings to play
’cause the instrument’s broken
Strings are all frayed
The bird that is Hope can’t perch or sing
an’ she’s getting so tired of flappin’ her wings
No heart to land on
Just bits on the floor
No respite, no Inn
Then
No Hope anymore
I’m not angry anymore
You run like mad from your own feelings
Wild, crazed, lost
And then say that I am Those Things
Ha.
You are a good man — somewhere –
But you are afraid
I cry for you who lives under the burden of this society
That says men don’t
The mask you wear is hardening
Be careful, boy
Sometimes masks get cemented into place
Undifferentiated
I am no longer offended
Or disappointed
Or think there must be something wrong with me
The haze has lifted
I’ve done the work
I see clearly
How fast, how furiously
You run
And I have no desire to run away with you
No
Give me the meat of life
I will sink in my claws and suck the juice of it all out
It will dribble down my chin and I will grin, widely
Supremely satisfied
I’ve been in love with brick walls
Most of my life
Not sure why
Those sturdy stones, beautiful and strong
Built to last
And red
But I mistook the wall for something so much more
than it was
My hands crumble to dust in front of me
I stare at my own abandonment
When did I leave myself
How did I imagine this could love me back
My legs buckle underneath
Turn from bone and flesh and fat
to smoke
There is only brick and cement in front of me
Bouncing my thoughts back into my own head
No arms or legs —
I’ve become the brick
That makes up the wall
That gives nothing to me
Nothing at all
I lie in the gravel street
and hope someone takes me
and builds me into something great
Since I could not
Since I got so lost
On my way home
I sit in my castle
waiting like a fool
Such a strange-familiar ache
To try and hold all Truths at once
breeds either unity or paralysis
But I am not unified
I have trapped myself here
It is not an evil witch who keeps me
Or some hoped-for Prince
But all the raging parts of my Self fighting this Great Fight
On the battlefield of my soul
I am sore
And tired
There is no one winning
I look so still in my castle
One might think me calm
But The All storms within me
each thing fighting the other equally
Heroes and Nemeses
matched up too perfectly
Am I holding the tension
Or just fucking
frozen?
Maybe you could tell me…
Free
Heart open
Free
Arms spread
Free
Weightless
Free
———————————
Held captive
far too long
Wrists bruised
beyond black and blue
Heart trapped
without song
(The only sound —
the noise of you)
But I took the shackles off today
Let the sun shine on my face
High time I got on my way
Yeah, I left without a trace
You won’t again deny me
of You, I’ll stay aware
and You will never find me
For Darkness can’t see Clear
This feeling penetrates me
Heart open
There’s no fear
No, you won’t ever find me
So search away, my dear
——————————-
Free, I am
Heart open
Free, I am
Arms wide
Free
I feel weightless
Free I am
Inside
Whatever – what ever — you have
Own it
Embody yourself like you never have before
Take that spirit of yours and
Step In
Into the body you have now
No protesting allowed
Or judgment or fear
Own what is yours to own
Because I swear to you
It feels good
It feels so fucking good
Because no one else can do it for you
Because All that is you will whisper away
If you don’t lay Claim
Don’t let Time steal what you have refused to own
Only you can breathe in You
And breathe out You
And make something Wonderful
There’s something you’re waiting for
And it’s okay
You’re allowed
Just to date
To explore
Beat back that invasive shame
Stop sitting down with your self
Just to play The Guilt Games
You and I both know
There is something you’re waiting for
And I swear,
It’s gotta be okay
We gotta make that okay
You were not made
To settle
Or stay for the sake of staying
So you can say
But he’s so nice
Or
She’s a good girl
I can’t hurt her feelings
Can’t make him feel pain
Oh baby, you’re not that arrogant
Are you?
Or that afraid?
Don’t put it on him or her
All that silly blame
Take it back
Own your fate
You were meant to choose something great
Put your heart in charge
Shut the naysayers away
Lock that door
You and I both Know
There’s someone you’re waiting for
How many levels of hell are there?
Dante is fucking wrong
I have come to deadened space
Alive only with some kind of empty, disgusting, torturous insanity
A white void of horror
There is no God here
There is no God
I beg to be killed but there is no one to do it
And no instruments for my own use in this white sterile room
So I will starve to death on this bitter, pointless existence
And wake back up in this same room
If only I could be in Hell’s 9th level
This level has no number
Can’t believe I feel it now
I feel it now
This was the fire, missing
Lit up from the inside-out
Barely alive
Graying embers curling into smokey ashes
Flames dying
Can’t believe It found me now
What I sought in others
Found in myself
Outside in, and inside out
Stoked the burning pieces back to life
High, high, racing wild
Caught on fire
Fierce and bright
Can’t believe I feel It now
Something barely gasping breath
Brought back into life
Somewhere in me flames are dying
Somewhere else they’re brought to
Life
You,
Fascinating.
Are you as free as you seem?
Is it madness embracing
your Curiosity
Bound and unbound
attached to risk-taking
But I have to wonder
Are you as free as you seem?
You fascinate me
You’re captivating —
A provocative haunting
in an untamed dream
I am deathly afraid
you are what you seem
Might stay trapped in my prison
Untouched and Unseen
Because you?
You could break me
You could rip through my seams
I crave to Know you
I fear my own screams
Fascinated by you…
chaotic and free?
Or stuffed in a jail cell
Mask on…
Like me?
ariaphoenix 