The Cherry Tree

cherrytree

Disbelief, my own believing

Chop down the Cherry Tree

Remembering’s deceiving

‘Til we find who we were meant to be

Another lifetime lost in dreaming

Another spent in fantasy –

A lie, which claims it is revealing

A lie who swallows you and me

Reality’s the tougher dealing

They feed us all these toxic seedlings

So find some kind of healthy healing

Turn off your flat-screen TV

———————————-

One foot steeped courageously

In all Life’s Deepest Mysteries

The other pulling desperately

Never quite releasing

Entrenched in sand – heavy, quick

Mud-like, glue-like, sticky, thick

I built this bridge brick by brick

Now I’m standing right on top of it

Straddling two different lands

One foot stuck, one foot free

At least I’ve got these hands

I dig on in; I loosen things

Attempting Hanuman’s mountainous leap

Disbelief was once concealing

The inner faith that I’ve been feeling

Experientially

Never keen on blind following

I’ll take Shraddha, please

———————————–

Illusion sheds

It burns away

I turn my face towards

Today

I whisper to myself —

I say, “Allow…allow…allow…”

“Look!” I exclaim, right out loud

To no one in particular

The Cherry Tree’s alive, I see

It stands quite perpendicular —

Blossomed, fragrant, heavenly

I taste the fruit it offers me

The truth of Life where it belongs —

Back inside of me

WAKE THE FUCK UP

war

Stupid fucking people everywhere
You see them out there
Small talking about the weather
They don’t know any better
Rattling on about the latest sale at Marshals
I hear a neighbor’s voice waft into my living room
Cloying and gossipy, “Oh, it’s allllways about HER,” she says so nasally I wonder if her nose is doing the speaking
I get the distinct feeling she’s talking about herself
Just doesn’t know it
I tried to get to my gmail today by pressing the “gm” buttons into my browser
Accidentally took me to female genital mutilation
I guess I pressed the “f”
Women in other places get their clitoris and labia scraped off
Their vaginas sown up
Sometimes without anesthesia
Usually before age 5
They see it as a rite of passage or a sign of purity and honor
I see it as men in fear trying to control women’s power
I see it as the symbol it is – women mutilating their femininity
How long do we suffer blindly?
How long do we fool ourselves to make the shit we eat taste more palatable?
So what kind of poem is this, you wonder?
Where is it going?
I don’t fucking know
People in Ukraine dying and bloodied by government for fighting for rights
In 2014
How are we still this barbaric?
HOW?
There is too much pain in this world
Covered up shoddily by our daily purgings of false importance on Facebook
Or our video game playing addictions – 5 hours a day — or
Anything, really, to take us away from the horrific truth of what is actually going on
All the time
Because we feel helpless
So we hide
Until consciousness again finds us and we are thrust into action
Until we stop asking “how are you” and not giving a fuck about someone’s answer
Until we stop talking about the weather
And start discussing our souls

Trust is a Bitch

Trust is a bitch

Disguised as some Perfect Thing

Trust is a trick

Bound by human weakness

Trust I think is meant to be broken

They tell us so many lies but

Trust is like anything else –

Susceptible to human foibles

And therefore, imperfect

We try

We take steps

But inevitably something breaks

Trust is broken

Perhaps True trust

Real Trust

Is staying with each break

And putting it back together again

Becoming You

blackquilt

This blanket made of Nothingness and Impudence

Woven with Depression and Resistance

Created just for you

Wrapped in it at birth

Hanging like a dark film over your shoulders

Under your feet

Must have felt like Home to you

This painful quilt of failures

So many excuses

It’s not that bad

People have it worse

And some do

And who cares?

I am interested in what happened to you

Tell me of your precious, unnatural cloak

Tell me how it’s home and you never wish to leave it

Tell me how you hate it and beg someone to rip it off

Let me know the fight in you

It’s not an easy feat

To start to choose the Unknown over Home

Even when home is unbearable

Oh the burden of a certain kind of familiarity

But

You are not the thing you wear

Nor whatever you were born into

You are underneath

Pure and unbroken

I believe

If we’d never seen the sun and suddenly it appeared

We’d fear annihilation — hide deep in our Darkness

Rather than welcome the soft warmth

So do we live from Fear…

Or do we Risk when it’s hardest to Risk

Who among us is brave enough

To take the cover off

Or — with new thread —

Begin again…

A blanket made of Happiness and Mindfulness

Woven with Compassion, Love and Peacefulness

Created just for you

quilt

This Lonely “I”

Tried to love you a thousand times
But I gave too much of myself away
Been scrambling like a maniac
To get all those precious pieces back
Slow-going though
(And some decayed)
They tell me out of rotten things…
Yeah I’ve heard that out of death?
A brand new Something’s born again
Better than what’s left
I wonder though – about those pieces
The ones I’ve tried to grasp
And breathe life into once again
Make meaning of my past
Is it worth it when I’m so alone
While my heart just hopes and hopes
Going on and on like It don’t see
The rope around my throat
I tried to love you a thousand times
And a thousand more than that
Was I doing Love all wrong?
Have I given This for That?
I have no answers as I move
Step-by-adjective-Step
There are no fairytales, methinks
Oh, what a crushing childhood lie
No prince
Nor knight
Nor one true love
But only this lonely
“I”

Paul

paul_walker71

 

I don’t know why you affect me like you do

Can’t even write yet without sobbing about you

Had three of my best friends reach out to me

Told me of your passing because they knew

They knew how I loved you

How can it be

That someone we don’t even know personally

Affects us so deeply

Touches such Humanity

That place in us all where we feel Divinity

And we felt yours

Not just the other day

When the car burst into flames

When the joy ride of your life

Took you away

No not just then

Your life was felt while you were here!

Could there be anything that matters more

Presence being felt

Just knowing you were Here meant something to me

And I only understand that from the sharp realization

That now you’re gone

I was out buying a curtain rod

Looked down at the text I got

“Paul Walker died.”

Felt my heart drop

It wasn’t about your fame or your beauty

But the light that shone through

Your humility and honesty

And blue-eyed speaking truth

And that smile

Oh that smile

That when you graced us with it

Everything else melted away

I promise I will carry it within me

Even as I ache

There will never be another smile

Quite

The same.

 

Thank You

The Passion fine art nude oil painting

The flame inside

Reignited!

by a you I will never have

Is it enough the flame was lit?

Guess I either drown it out or

Take it

Well, I guess it don’t have to be you

But see Life can be a little cruel

In the way She spins her shadowy web

Light glinting off her teasing edge

Promises, promises – the devil’s breath

But, then again…

I learned a lot from you, my stranger-friend

Doubt you’ll ever know the True Effect you had on me

And so it is –

And so it be —

We all go on Not Knowing

Who we touched

Or just How Much

But this is my way

Of saying Thank You

Maybe in another life

It will be you

In a different way

Tangibly

(Oh to have you tangibly!)

Or maybe…

Maybe This was all that was ever meant to be

Though I confess

I wish I could tell you Everything

But at least I can tell you This:

And hope Somewhere Inside you feel it —

My heart-felt, soul-felt

Thank You

Gray Field

gray

I am Uh-lone

Lost in a dry, gray field of it  —

Emptiness

Draping over me like a long, invisible cloak from head to toe

Offering nothing

Causing the kind of pain only Nothing can bring

Shocking

A great, dark, Impersonal

Void

One can only scream silently for so long,

alone

I am so totally Uh-lone

Sharp in my sobriety

That the masses lack

Preferring to believe that

“It’s all love and light, baby, love and light”

Bullshit

I don’t know your experience and you do not know mine

I only know that we can try

To understand –

And we’re lucky if we can –

Or find someone who really wants to

Who does not run away shrieking from our carnivorous pain

The way I hypocritically do

I never could relate

To those who haven’t been to hell…

To those who aren’t awake

 

Fly

Break the hex and run girl

Fly out into darkest night

With your feathered black wings

Shining black-blue in moonlight

Lift yourself out of this quicksand tar

Cut it off you

With anything you can grab

Gnaw it off you

If you have to

You do

Anything it takes

To break free

To leave this world behind and fly, fly

Fly…

The Puer

puer

He is all good looks and empty promises

Dripping with charm and warmth and dimpled smiles

Hugging everyone

Making you feel so special

But

Something inside him is not quite right

He don’t know that you see it

But you see it —

You won’t get pulled in the way They all do

With his unwavering brown eyes

That Way he looks at you –

Oh, I know – he’s looked That Way at me, too

His game is old

A poor peter pan boy,

Lost

Covered by this outer-seeming confidence

An actor playing a man

You meet his gaze

Wordlessly say —

I see right through you

Move along

I don’t need an actor

But a man

And with that, the puer is on to the next…

Because a real man takes a challenge willingly