Life

icaniwill

 

I will write in spite of that black cement wall son-of-a-bitch writer’s block

I will dream, let them come — the demonic, the erotic, the night sea journeys, the sirens, the earthquakes and alchemical pools of lakes and hot tubs, and the way I can always fly up and across the sky — get there quicker than the rest of them

I will paint – my modest, laughable pieces of art

Art that does not come easy like that one girl you can’t forget for precisely that reason

But art that comes, nonetheless, because it means something to me

Some young, simple, eager expression of my soul

I will do – because my soul Calls to me to do – to create to develop and yes,

I will be

Still, with eyes closed feeling the vibrations of the Universe shiver through my body as it circles gently and only ever so slightly, round and round and round…

I will dance, not like nobody’s watching because, hello! people are fucking watching – but I will do it anyway because that is my brave

I will kiss. I will kiss with passion and abandon and suck in that lower lip just a little bit if he lets me, and then soft, stop. Barely touching my lips to his, a whisper of a kiss…to see what he will…

I will breathe from the bottom of my spine up past the crown of my head; I will let the life force ride on my breath expanding in me like oceans of air cleansing my broken, cynical soul

I will shop. Online shop.

Because fuck, once in a while, I do like to shop online. And “mall energy” is the worst.

I will ride the waves of my vast emotions as if they were made from wings of gold I could fly upon; I will honor the highs and lows as equals because — ego aside – they are

I will love

I will love with these warm feelings that wrap their joy and compassion around me and then move outward so that they may reach you. I hope they reach you.

I will accept life as She is. There can be no other way. None of us are spared getting fucked over by Verizon at some point in life. Or AT&T. Or…eh, just pick a company.

And of course, so very, very much worse. But I will be unspared with you.

I will Open…so that I may let a love like mine find me

I will explore, and wonder, and try, and feel, and hope, and cry, and listen, sacredly

And in all of this…

I will live.

 

Reality

Shell shocked

I don’t know what day it is

I’m turned inside out

Dazed

Glazed

A donut in a madhouse

With hungry clowns

But there are no more pieces of me to take

I’m a magic trick now

Hiding behind distorted mirrors

I have taken so much

There is nothing left to take

The donut was gone a long time ago

They’re all fighting over the illusion of Me

Of themselves

A sugary sweet treat in some fantasy world

But I’ve stepped outside

Into the harsh world of Reality

Not too many people here

But definitely no clowns

The Architect

million pieces

When you found me I was broken

Didn’t know it like I Know It now

Reclaiming all the fallen pieces

Shattered all about

The nicest vase the house did hold

In fractured shards made of gold

Takes So Much More than so much

You know?

So

How does one rebuild with hands

Scattered all about

Fingers here and there, it seems

random knuckle on the ground

Maybe one must start with nothing

To change it all around

Maybe one must start with nothing

To make herself anew

Those broken hands were never mine

So My Nothing shall draw me two

I hated that old vase anyway

And the gold?

They call it Fool’s

 

The Cherry Tree

cherrytree

Disbelief, my own believing

Chop down the Cherry Tree

Remembering’s deceiving

‘Til we find who we were meant to be

Another lifetime lost in dreaming

Another spent in fantasy –

A lie, which claims it is revealing

A lie who swallows you and me

Reality’s the tougher dealing

They feed us all these toxic seedlings

So find some kind of healthy healing

Turn off your flat-screen TV

———————————-

One foot steeped courageously

In all Life’s Deepest Mysteries

The other pulling desperately

Never quite releasing

Entrenched in sand – heavy, quick

Mud-like, glue-like, sticky, thick

I built this bridge brick by brick

Now I’m standing right on top of it

Straddling two different lands

One foot stuck, one foot free

At least I’ve got these hands

I dig on in; I loosen things

Attempting Hanuman’s mountainous leap

Disbelief was once concealing

The inner faith that I’ve been feeling

Experientially

Never keen on blind following

I’ll take Shraddha, please

———————————–

Illusion sheds

It burns away

I turn my face towards

Today

I whisper to myself —

I say, “Allow…allow…allow…”

“Look!” I exclaim, right out loud

To no one in particular

The Cherry Tree’s alive, I see

It stands quite perpendicular —

Blossomed, fragrant, heavenly

I taste the fruit it offers me

The truth of Life where it belongs —

Back inside of me

WAKE THE FUCK UP

war

Stupid fucking people everywhere
You see them out there
Small talking about the weather
They don’t know any better
Rattling on about the latest sale at Marshals
I hear a neighbor’s voice waft into my living room
Cloying and gossipy, “Oh, it’s allllways about HER,” she says so nasally I wonder if her nose is doing the speaking
I get the distinct feeling she’s talking about herself
Just doesn’t know it
I tried to get to my gmail today by pressing the “gm” buttons into my browser
Accidentally took me to female genital mutilation
I guess I pressed the “f”
Women in other places get their clitoris and labia scraped off
Their vaginas sown up
Sometimes without anesthesia
Usually before age 5
They see it as a rite of passage or a sign of purity and honor
I see it as men in fear trying to control women’s power
I see it as the symbol it is – women mutilating their femininity
How long do we suffer blindly?
How long do we fool ourselves to make the shit we eat taste more palatable?
So what kind of poem is this, you wonder?
Where is it going?
I don’t fucking know
People in Ukraine dying and bloodied by government for fighting for rights
In 2014
How are we still this barbaric?
HOW?
There is too much pain in this world
Covered up shoddily by our daily purgings of false importance on Facebook
Or our video game playing addictions – 5 hours a day — or
Anything, really, to take us away from the horrific truth of what is actually going on
All the time
Because we feel helpless
So we hide
Until consciousness again finds us and we are thrust into action
Until we stop asking “how are you” and not giving a fuck about someone’s answer
Until we stop talking about the weather
And start discussing our souls

Naked

puppetmaster

 

I’ll pretend I won’t be lonely

Looking at this blasted screen

Watching my idea of you —

The one you just present to me —

Acting like it’s reality

Then putting you in my fantasy

Man what a fucked society

No idea what Intimate means

I wonder if we ever knew

We’re only intimate with inanimate things

And that ain’t real intimacy

No This-Life possibility

For fear or love or joy or pain

But hey – at least you get to be

The Puppet Master – pull those strings

But He ain’t into the aforementioned things

He just sits behind your computer screen

Never has to reach a thing, only someone else’s screen

I’ll get specifically selected pieces of you

The ones He is controlling —

Carefully chosen words and phrases

Photographs that make you seem…well…

Exactly what you want to seem

And I am equally as guilty

God forbid we let the darkness in

Or let our baggage show

Or give the scars that seem so grim

A loving hand to hold

No

Better we just go on like this

Hiding behind inanimate things

Let our Delusions pretend they’re our Dreams

Cover the Truth that bursts from the seams

Reality’s made for a certain kind

A human strong enough to mix with Divine

And know she ain’t controlling shit

With her facebook posts and her twitter-twit

Close the machine, the technology

The Matrix-notion it’s gonna be like the movies

Snap the fuck out of it

Jump into Life

Yeah, it’s a bitch

But I swear to God it’s better to Risk

And the pool’s damn deep but come for a swim

Cause I, for one…

I’m getting in.

YOU ARE

I am Radiance

I am the Joyous Dancer

Mountains still the dissonance

See your Great Accomplishments!

Feel your own Benevolance

They speak through me

To beg you:

Please!

Know yourself as you know Me!

I AM Radiance

And so are thee

Dance and Sing and Love with me

Be still

Be soft

Be wildly

Free

However Brief

Today I sit in peace

No Great Push telling me to

Go, go, go

Get there before it is too late

Accomplish

As if that were what really mattered

Ego dies

Essence lives on

How have I really lived?

Spinning, reaching, mind-fucking myself daily?

Or have I stopped?

Have I looked?

Have I let myself Wonder without the edgy, itchy rat-race feeling?

Have I been hell-bent on learning, on growing towards

That Damned elusive destination

Whose Reality exists only in the now?

Oops.

Have I missed all the Sacred Moments and Amazing People

Right in front of me?

Have I been so eager to speak and do

That I could not hear or be?

Have I run myself in circles only to find myself

Standing in the same place?

Not today.

Today I sit in peace.

I let the breeze touch my face

I hear the children laugh and shriek as children do

And I let it all be,

However brief

However brief…

Messenger

I beg

On hands and knees

Say Yes

I’ve sent

So many messages

You have refused to See

Blinded by your Apathy

Warring against the Truth that is Me

You ask for a hand

But do not take the one offered

You ask for a sign

But they’re hard to see

When you’ve made up your mind

When you feel so confined

You want to be saved

But won’t let me in

You say you Believe

But don’t open to Receive

Unless it would be in the way You command

So many demands for Life to be what you wanted

Instead of What Is

Oh Child, let yourself mourn for this!

I beg

On hands and knees

Say Yes

To me

I do see your suffering!

You wear handcuffs

Chained to the Insane

Begging me

(You think in vain)

But the key is gripped tight

Between your own, stiff fingers.

Will you let yourself out?

I am calling you

And while many are called

Chosen are few

Can you not see that I’ve chosen you?

I am here, waiting

But

I will never force you to unlock

The precious Things that keep you trapped

Life’s Meaning comes from Your Ability to do that

I would never simply whisk away your deepest, Greatest Pain

When you let It be your teacher

Is when your life will Change

For it is The Thing that causes this deepest, Greatest Strife

That is The Thing, ironically,

Which also brings New Life

In the meantime, Child, if you must —

Go forth and fight your fight

Every Hero must find Her way

To find the path that’s right

I wish I could take away your shame

Your self-recriminating blame

For you’ve done nothing wrong at all

Just tried to find Your Way

As you struggle, know that I am here

Waiting with your every breath

Hand extended —

Life’s Heart hoping

One day you’ll

Say Yes.

 

Wisdom Lives

In the distance

A warrior cries

A girl breathes out

A Sage has died

Something Deep’s been brought to life

Unconscious things direct the wise

‘Til Truth reveals Age-Old lies

The Wise then question their label of “wise”

The girl mourns and sighs,

How can I ever trust The Whys?

When their Answers are hidden in such plain sight

And wearing such a believable Disguise…

But

In the distance

A warrior cries

She hears the voice

She knows Inside

Something dead is now alive

A treasure Unearthed from a far-away place

A taste of dark, generational waste

That lived in her while Life she faced

Unknowing that this poisonous Slice

Wound up her soul like ivy vines

From her very First Cry

To her first breath in

Unintentional Parental Sin

But

In the distance

A warrior cries

The girl breathes out

A Sage has died

Something Deep’s been brought to life

The girl breathes in —

Alive again

A Sage reborn

Wisdom lives.