First The Hell

I am being crucified

Cut by the Sword of the Great Divine

A sword sharpened by the Dark Side

I have Nothing Left to give You

Why should I continue to Try

To prove to You – what?

Just what?

I am only being Crucified!

Ah — my breath catches on this pain

Slicing through my Weeping, Broken heart

Where is my God?

I am abandoned.

I am Lost.

Oh God, Oh God

At what cost do I try and stay True to You?

I can’t bear this anymore!

My throat is closed off

I type with a wet keyboard

There is no semblance of reverence

I don’t remember my relevance

Have I not repented?

Have I not suffered relentlessly?

I cry out

Goddess, what in Your Name do you want from me?

Have I not honored you enough?

Must I give my Life for your Love?

Because I will

I am bloodied and broken

Hung on the cross

Waiting for hell

And I have kissed the feet of Ereshkigal!!!

What else could You possibly want from me?

I have been to hell!

I have been to hell!

I have lived there so long why let me come up

To breathe in such exquisite air

If I am only to be sent right back there?

I have danced with the devil

And fought with the beasts

I have come into consciousness

From down on my knees

Begging you only

Just show me – just show me

But I am alone

Dear God I am lonely!

Perhaps you think me full of pride

Oh, why must I be crucified?

But then…I know why:

It is time for Some Part of me to die

So another Part can come alive

I know this horrific cycle well

I will get the Gold

But first:

The Hell.

 

 

Advertisements

Messenger

I beg

On hands and knees

Say Yes

I’ve sent

So many messages

You have refused to See

Blinded by your Apathy

Warring against the Truth that is Me

You ask for a hand

But do not take the one offered

You ask for a sign

But they’re hard to see

When you’ve made up your mind

When you feel so confined

You want to be saved

But won’t let me in

You say you Believe

But don’t open to Receive

Unless it would be in the way You command

So many demands for Life to be what you wanted

Instead of What Is

Oh Child, let yourself mourn for this!

I beg

On hands and knees

Say Yes

To me

I do see your suffering!

You wear handcuffs

Chained to the Insane

Begging me

(You think in vain)

But the key is gripped tight

Between your own, stiff fingers.

Will you let yourself out?

I am calling you

And while many are called

Chosen are few

Can you not see that I’ve chosen you?

I am here, waiting

But

I will never force you to unlock

The precious Things that keep you trapped

Life’s Meaning comes from Your Ability to do that

I would never simply whisk away your deepest, Greatest Pain

When you let It be your teacher

Is when your life will Change

For it is The Thing that causes this deepest, Greatest Strife

That is The Thing, ironically,

Which also brings New Life

In the meantime, Child, if you must —

Go forth and fight your fight

Every Hero must find Her way

To find the path that’s right

I wish I could take away your shame

Your self-recriminating blame

For you’ve done nothing wrong at all

Just tried to find Your Way

As you struggle, know that I am here

Waiting with your every breath

Hand extended —

Life’s Heart hoping

One day you’ll

Say Yes.

 

Taming the Beast

The Beast comes back time and again

I’ve got nothing left to say

I’ve bid Her, oh-so-bitterly,

An “I-swear-I-said

Good Day.”

And I should know by now

By now

By now

I have travelled far enough Down

This road of heathen roads

To simply Know, to simply Know

To simply know

By now…

Shutting Her down with a Go Away

Don’t do nothin’ to ease Her pain

But something in me keeps Hoping

Keeps expecting things to change

Like, perhaps the Tiger in the cage

Just…won’t show up today

And I am lucky

I guess

That there’ve been days

When I locked The Beast inside

Unlucky

I guess

The cage that’s locked

Resides within my mind

The paradox:

I seek control while wishing things would change

I have come to understand:

Life just don’t work that way

So I have learned to tolerate insufferable suffering

By doing The Thing that’s The Hardest Thing:

Not letting go of me

And the difference is the Hanging On…

It Changes Everything

‘Cause the suffering has meaning, I have built my strength

The Beast returns, gets out Her cage,

Wild with Her insatiable Rage

But it is I who holds the whip

And She is Mine to tame

So when she roars and bares her gleaming, razor-fangs

I do not run from Her, afraid

I meet her gaze, think ‘bring it on,’

A grin begins to play

I give a tiny nod, instead —

A challenge to The Beast I’ve tamed

Offer Her, respectfully:

An welcoming

“Good Day.”