Numb

 

blankexpressions

I’m in that place

Where there is no try

Where desolation goes to die

No more questions, no more why

I’m in that place

Where there is no try

Only wishes and desperate pleas

Like winter’s snow falling silently

Melting before they are received

In this place one hopes for sad

Depression, even, not so bad

Joy a distant memory

The reining King is Apathy

He watches over fields of numb

And clouds of pain

Rivers where lives end in vain

His eyes are blank, a little grey

No one home

Nothing to say

His last try was a million lifetimes ago

Disconnection here the status quo

I’m in that place

Where there’s no reaching out

Or an inner voice who might cry out

And yell, “I do not wish to die!”

No, he is not here

There is no try.

 

 

 

Naked

puppetmaster

 

I’ll pretend I won’t be lonely

Looking at this blasted screen

Watching my idea of you —

The one you just present to me —

Acting like it’s reality

Then putting you in my fantasy

Man what a fucked society

No idea what Intimate means

I wonder if we ever knew

We’re only intimate with inanimate things

And that ain’t real intimacy

No This-Life possibility

For fear or love or joy or pain

But hey – at least you get to be

The Puppet Master – pull those strings

But He ain’t into the aforementioned things

He just sits behind your computer screen

Never has to reach a thing, only someone else’s screen

I’ll get specifically selected pieces of you

The ones He is controlling —

Carefully chosen words and phrases

Photographs that make you seem…well…

Exactly what you want to seem

And I am equally as guilty

God forbid we let the darkness in

Or let our baggage show

Or give the scars that seem so grim

A loving hand to hold

No

Better we just go on like this

Hiding behind inanimate things

Let our Delusions pretend they’re our Dreams

Cover the Truth that bursts from the seams

Reality’s made for a certain kind

A human strong enough to mix with Divine

And know she ain’t controlling shit

With her facebook posts and her twitter-twit

Close the machine, the technology

The Matrix-notion it’s gonna be like the movies

Snap the fuck out of it

Jump into Life

Yeah, it’s a bitch

But I swear to God it’s better to Risk

And the pool’s damn deep but come for a swim

Cause I, for one…

I’m getting in.

Feed the Fish

It’s just Fear, I tell myself

The dynamics of my own mind

Keeping me in the tall glass tower

Thunderous Fear words booming through my flimsy glass walls

Shaking me

Threatening breaking me

All the fishes in the pond below have gone

They done swam away

‘Cause Fear had His say

And I have to admit that I’m afraid

Ego petrified

Exposed through these glass walls

Do they see me?

Will they eat me?

Or hate me?

Or beat me?

Or treat me like a leper?

What insult will be thrown my way today?

How will I be maligned —

Vomited on by a Better Kind

Oh, the sad dynamics of my own mind

It’s just Fear I say

Just Fear so you can either

Walk out the tall glass door or stay

It’s just a choice you make

With crumbs of food in my trembling hands

I close the door behind me and feed the fishes

Calling to them,

“There, there, “ I say, “It is safe.”

It was just Fear.

One

Image

I am outside

I am naked

I reach my hands into the black, rich soil

Fingers sliding down into Her

Bringing mother earth up to me

Smearing her dark Purity across my arms

Down my legs and torso, face covered

Warrior-woman–princess-goddess-girl

There is a low sun and a light breeze

I stand on land that is me

Arms open, palms welcome Sky

Fingers stretched out,

Receiving

Face tilted back,

Drinking in the golden elixir of The Great Spirit

Who moves me to run

Wild and Free

In the home of my Ancestors

One

 

Unwise

Image

We danced around with blinded eyes

Seeking like we do in youth that

Elusive serum we call Truth

Unreachable until we’re wise

And wisdom don’t set in so soon

Wisdom comes from a million tries

Or, perhaps, a million-two

Heaven on Earth is only gained

When you’ve learned the lesson in the pain

And not just said, “It’s hard, I quit”

Nor let your bitter keep you bit

But dive — heart-first! — right into it

Dig up all the Masters teach

Watch the ego’s trickery

Which leads you to a wishing well

Of good intentions, yes — paved to hell

There is no skipping steps, you see

There is no more poor me, poor me

It’s time to wake, unblind your eyes

A fool alone will claim she’s wise

So pick up that big cross you dropped

‘Cause darling

You gotta few more tries…

 

 

Ashes on the Floor

I think I love you

In a way love should never be

For there is a thing as Too Much Heat

Burns up our touch on Reality

Then there’s no place to return to

When the fire dies down

Like fires do

There’s a mad dash out the door

Inevitably

And frankly, it don’t matter if it’s you or me

One of us will have to run away

Fantasy something humans can’t sustain

What would it be like to learn to love the steady flame?

‘Stead of craving this insane raging heat

The Energy in you that brings me to my knees

But here we are, Combusting

I was a fool to think either of us can leave

Blissfully trapped in scorching chemistry

Ignited by other-worldly sparks

The kind that die out as quickly as they burst and flash

And set our silly souls ablaze

Incinerating…

Incinerating…

We find ourselves

In ashes on the floor.

 

 

The Unseen

Something grows, imperceptibly

The Great Ones speak of Liminal Space and

The World of the Unseen

Where so many things are happening

Tell me about your world-view

Does it include the Truth of the Unseen

The beauty of the unscientific mystery

Science a wonderful thing indeed

But always tending to catch up with the spiritual views

— The guru’s truths —

— The real-world magic that can’t always be proved —

Until sometimes it is and then everyone jumps in

Having scoffed at Faith as if it were a weakness

“You need something to cling to”

Oh darling, as if I had not clung and then thrown it all away to Seek

— To disbelieve —

— To question everything —

There are two kinds of faith

Blind and Experiential

Funny how in my own life

Experiential led to Blind

Oh, to experience the Numinous

— The luminous —

I am sad for all those who do not see

Who cannot believe

Who pity me

Make no mistake

I do not pity them

Nor do I devalue their experience

It is their Truth, equally

Oh, but I must confess I do wish for them

This beautiful gift of Seeing Into All of This!

To have gone through the hell of the Quest

And come to realize that there is another transformation that exists:

Experience creates faith

But once it’s solidified inside

You no longer believe

— There is no need —

For you possess just one thing

Total, complete

Knowing

 

 

Twisted

Trick, trick, trick

Tick tick tick

He won’t stop

‘Til He gets what He wants

Stealing all my thoughts

To twist and turn and weave

As He sees fit

Taking all clarity

Hoarding all wit

He’s like a Hawking, or Jobs or Einstein

But multiplied infinite times

Oh honey, you ain’t gonna win His game

Genius like this is Genius Insane

Trick trick trick

Tick tick tick

That great mind you think is up to it

Is proof you’ve already been Tricked

There is no up to it with a Devil like this

All that education, that intelligence

He’s just got you building a higher fence

Humming, foolishly, as you close yourself in

He’s running circles around you

Your best psychological thinking is His

He tells you “it’s projection”

He won’t let you have a thing

Don’t you know by now

He will tell you anything

Just to keep Himself going

To stop you from feeling your True Feelings

The only chance you might actually have

To not be

Tricked tricked tricked

Tick tick tick…