Thank You

The Passion fine art nude oil painting

The flame inside

Reignited!

by a you I will never have

Is it enough the flame was lit?

Guess I either drown it out or

Take it

Well, I guess it don’t have to be you

But see Life can be a little cruel

In the way She spins her shadowy web

Light glinting off her teasing edge

Promises, promises – the devil’s breath

But, then again…

I learned a lot from you, my stranger-friend

Doubt you’ll ever know the True Effect you had on me

And so it is –

And so it be —

We all go on Not Knowing

Who we touched

Or just How Much

But this is my way

Of saying Thank You

Maybe in another life

It will be you

In a different way

Tangibly

(Oh to have you tangibly!)

Or maybe…

Maybe This was all that was ever meant to be

Though I confess

I wish I could tell you Everything

But at least I can tell you This:

And hope Somewhere Inside you feel it —

My heart-felt, soul-felt

Thank You

Gray Field

gray

I am Uh-lone

Lost in a dry, gray field of it  —

Emptiness

Draping over me like a long, invisible cloak from head to toe

Offering nothing

Causing the kind of pain only Nothing can bring

Shocking

A great, dark, Impersonal

Void

One can only scream silently for so long,

alone

I am so totally Uh-lone

Sharp in my sobriety

That the masses lack

Preferring to believe that

“It’s all love and light, baby, love and light”

Bullshit

I don’t know your experience and you do not know mine

I only know that we can try

To understand –

And we’re lucky if we can –

Or find someone who really wants to

Who does not run away shrieking from our carnivorous pain

The way I hypocritically do

I never could relate

To those who haven’t been to hell…

To those who aren’t awake

 

Fly

Break the hex and run girl

Fly out into darkest night

With your feathered black wings

Shining black-blue in moonlight

Lift yourself out of this quicksand tar

Cut it off you

With anything you can grab

Gnaw it off you

If you have to

You do

Anything it takes

To break free

To leave this world behind and fly, fly

Fly…

The Puer

puer

He is all good looks and empty promises

Dripping with charm and warmth and dimpled smiles

Hugging everyone

Making you feel so special

But

Something inside him is not quite right

He don’t know that you see it

But you see it —

You won’t get pulled in the way They all do

With his unwavering brown eyes

That Way he looks at you –

Oh, I know – he’s looked That Way at me, too

His game is old

A poor peter pan boy,

Lost

Covered by this outer-seeming confidence

An actor playing a man

You meet his gaze

Wordlessly say —

I see right through you

Move along

I don’t need an actor

But a man

And with that, the puer is on to the next…

Because a real man takes a challenge willingly

Numb

 

blankexpressions

I’m in that place

Where there is no try

Where desolation goes to die

No more questions, no more why

I’m in that place

Where there is no try

Only wishes and desperate pleas

Like winter’s snow falling silently

Melting before they are received

In this place one hopes for sad

Depression, even, not so bad

Joy a distant memory

The reining King is Apathy

He watches over fields of numb

And clouds of pain

Rivers where lives end in vain

His eyes are blank, a little grey

No one home

Nothing to say

His last try was a million lifetimes ago

Disconnection here the status quo

I’m in that place

Where there’s no reaching out

Or an inner voice who might cry out

And yell, “I do not wish to die!”

No, he is not here

There is no try.

 

 

 

Naked

puppetmaster

 

I’ll pretend I won’t be lonely

Looking at this blasted screen

Watching my idea of you —

The one you just present to me —

Acting like it’s reality

Then putting you in my fantasy

Man what a fucked society

No idea what Intimate means

I wonder if we ever knew

We’re only intimate with inanimate things

And that ain’t real intimacy

No This-Life possibility

For fear or love or joy or pain

But hey – at least you get to be

The Puppet Master – pull those strings

But He ain’t into the aforementioned things

He just sits behind your computer screen

Never has to reach a thing, only someone else’s screen

I’ll get specifically selected pieces of you

The ones He is controlling —

Carefully chosen words and phrases

Photographs that make you seem…well…

Exactly what you want to seem

And I am equally as guilty

God forbid we let the darkness in

Or let our baggage show

Or give the scars that seem so grim

A loving hand to hold

No

Better we just go on like this

Hiding behind inanimate things

Let our Delusions pretend they’re our Dreams

Cover the Truth that bursts from the seams

Reality’s made for a certain kind

A human strong enough to mix with Divine

And know she ain’t controlling shit

With her facebook posts and her twitter-twit

Close the machine, the technology

The Matrix-notion it’s gonna be like the movies

Snap the fuck out of it

Jump into Life

Yeah, it’s a bitch

But I swear to God it’s better to Risk

And the pool’s damn deep but come for a swim

Cause I, for one…

I’m getting in.

Feed the Fish

It’s just Fear, I tell myself

The dynamics of my own mind

Keeping me in the tall glass tower

Thunderous Fear words booming through my flimsy glass walls

Shaking me

Threatening breaking me

All the fishes in the pond below have gone

They done swam away

‘Cause Fear had His say

And I have to admit that I’m afraid

Ego petrified

Exposed through these glass walls

Do they see me?

Will they eat me?

Or hate me?

Or beat me?

Or treat me like a leper?

What insult will be thrown my way today?

How will I be maligned —

Vomited on by a Better Kind

Oh, the sad dynamics of my own mind

It’s just Fear I say

Just Fear so you can either

Walk out the tall glass door or stay

It’s just a choice you make

With crumbs of food in my trembling hands

I close the door behind me and feed the fishes

Calling to them,

“There, there, “ I say, “It is safe.”

It was just Fear.

One

Image

I am outside

I am naked

I reach my hands into the black, rich soil

Fingers sliding down into Her

Bringing mother earth up to me

Smearing her dark Purity across my arms

Down my legs and torso, face covered

Warrior-woman–princess-goddess-girl

There is a low sun and a light breeze

I stand on land that is me

Arms open, palms welcome Sky

Fingers stretched out,

Receiving

Face tilted back,

Drinking in the golden elixir of The Great Spirit

Who moves me to run

Wild and Free

In the home of my Ancestors

One