Black Sophia

 

ereshkigal

I fall now

In Wretched Grace

I land upon your lap

I took not my old Naivety

Nor wide-eyed Innocence

Nor Cloying Positivity

Nor hope of Recompense

I did not bring Salvation here

Nor dare to make Requests

I wore only reverent fear

For you command Respect

You have bested me, My Black Sophia

Fool I was, in retrospect

From this day on

I honor You

No, I will not forget

There is No Place that is Like You

No words to capture Your Kind of Truth

No Art

No Muse

No Thing

Like You

And I will not

Forget

 

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First The Hell

I am being crucified

Cut by the Sword of the Great Divine

A sword sharpened by the Dark Side

I have Nothing Left to give You

Why should I continue to Try

To prove to You – what?

Just what?

I am only being Crucified!

Ah — my breath catches on this pain

Slicing through my Weeping, Broken heart

Where is my God?

I am abandoned.

I am Lost.

Oh God, Oh God

At what cost do I try and stay True to You?

I can’t bear this anymore!

My throat is closed off

I type with a wet keyboard

There is no semblance of reverence

I don’t remember my relevance

Have I not repented?

Have I not suffered relentlessly?

I cry out

Goddess, what in Your Name do you want from me?

Have I not honored you enough?

Must I give my Life for your Love?

Because I will

I am bloodied and broken

Hung on the cross

Waiting for hell

And I have kissed the feet of Ereshkigal!!!

What else could You possibly want from me?

I have been to hell!

I have been to hell!

I have lived there so long why let me come up

To breathe in such exquisite air

If I am only to be sent right back there?

I have danced with the devil

And fought with the beasts

I have come into consciousness

From down on my knees

Begging you only

Just show me – just show me

But I am alone

Dear God I am lonely!

Perhaps you think me full of pride

Oh, why must I be crucified?

But then…I know why:

It is time for Some Part of me to die

So another Part can come alive

I know this horrific cycle well

I will get the Gold

But first:

The Hell.