Full

Remember

When you were so worried you would never find someone?

And now

With Life running through your blood

How very little that matters?

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Work

I see you eating your pastry

Drinking your wine

Laughing, smoking

On kitschy, woven chairs

facing the street

so you may people-watch

or be watched

people turn into atmosphere

I peer in to your vacation-looking lives and think

I’d like to be like you

And laugh and drink and espresso and croissant

and repeat

but inside I know I am not like you

I did not come here for that

I wish I did

(well, maybe)

Oh I wish I did!

(hey, lady — maybe)

But I…

Well

I have work to do

The Boot

One intentional STOMP

A spurred boot slamming onto an iced-over lake

Sadness breaks through me

the cracks begin slowly

reaching their jagged, frozen fingers through my skin

they quicken

Frigid waters rising

I hear a whisper somewhere

Don’t fall in

Don’t fall in

Those waters aren’t meant for swimming

30 seconds til hypothermia sets in

But then, a different voice speaks:

There is no danger here

I reassure The Whisperer

I am the lake.

And The Thing breaking through me

Is only

Letting Life in

Familiar

Familiar walks around in your favorite, cozy sweats

With a warm, inviting smile on Her face

She has those trustworthy dimples that Charming People have

Familiar gives the best hugs you’ve ever had

But

Familiar is not your friend

She won’t tell you the hugs She’s giving

Are really full of Take

The comfort She is offering has a price like anything

Familiar will hold you your whole life if you let Her

And , oh, what a gift She gives!

But at the end, old and frail, you’ll gaze back up again

She will hold the Life that was yours

No

Familiar is not your friend

 

Your self

Do you ever realize

How much you prevent yourself from yourself?

Oh it’s a lot

A.

LOT.

I can’t tell you

But when you see it —

In this lifetime or the next or maybe even the one after that

It will blow your mind

and make you feel like The Fool of all fools at the same time

It will be like the first time someone showed you

The photo that captures the teensiest sliver of space

Where we are just dots within dots

and even smaller dots within that

And you will think to yourself

Holy fuck

How starving I have been

And how simple to not have known it

Another Today

 

Do you feel Her — Our Country?

She is weeping

She is desperate that we come out of such wasteful dissonance

Our Ignorance

I blame you and you blame me

But we are on the same side again This Evil

All this violence erupting

Volcanic bursts of killing

Have we become a nation of amputees?

There is a fine line between waiting and deteriorating

Between Consideration and Paralysis

Have we be become the goddamn avocados of the world?

Too ripe or too rotten

Can we not call a spade a spade

But leave the spades who are not spades out?

What is so hard about that?

Who lies there, in the corner, covered in blood today?

It is your mother and my mother

It is your friend and my friend

Our Nation

Our Country

Our Earth

Our Selves

We cry out in reverberating wails of frustration and sadness and anger

But Know This:

Evil does not only not listen, It thrives on our painful confusion

And so I might remind you now —

Jesus came with a sword

The good warrior knows when to retreat and when to draw

Differentiation is key

You are not the Evil

So listen with me

Let us act in consciousness, together

Let us be These United States

Or tomorrow will just be

Another Today

— KH

 

 

 

March

I saw a bad movie last night

With a good line —

“You embrace the suck and you move the fuck on”

So today I March

I wake

I ride

I take

I move into the deep flux of my life and say

YES

Okay

Why Not

Today? Tonight? Done. There.

What have I been doing all these years but

Hiding myself within myself

Tricked into the trap of staying there

I have begged my Captor to let me free

But my Captor was me

and I was not listening

Desperate I whispered let me be uncomfortable

I can take it

But he didn’t believe me

And really, how could he?

I was fucking whis-per-ing

It was all I could muster then

But somehow, I dragged my heavy feet through the mud

These last three days

Or 38 years

And I made it to the other side, wiping off the dried fragments of dirt and blood

Throwing those old boots aside

My bare, raw feet stepping down onto the hot coals in front of me

I don’t run or walk or hide

I just set my gaze to the now

And I March

Impotent

 

I’m so sick of all the empty talk

You boys forgot how to walk the walk

Where did all the cowboys go

What is all this timidity

All this yes-I-do-but-no-not-really

You reach out but you don’t mean it

and I am so tired of you not meaning it

I don’t want some half-assed fantasy

I don’t want you wanting the idea of me

You ask me out but you don’t follow through

Didn’t you get taught that’s what real men do?

Someone let you down big time, boy

Society or family or hey — blame women wanting equality

I don’t know what the fuck happened

But manhood is lost

Wounded to the point of impotence

And I can’t take more impotence

I’ve got my own to deal with

I want a man who is a man

Who has not lost touch with what makes him that

All these fucking disappearing acts

I don’t believe in any of you anymore

I don’t think you believe in yourselves either

But I can’t fucking do it for you

I can’t do it for you

You have to do it for yourself

And don’t you dare fucking call me until you do

 

Fight

There’s a thing They do to you

When they tell you to be good and nice and kind:

They split you in half

Wholeness lost to some ethereal, spiritual idea that Love is all there is

Child, you ain’t that high on the totem pole yet

You gotta work with that ego before you transcend

So, wake up

Or tell me about the world in which you live

I love fantasies

Sometimes, the compassionate thing is to kill

Or withhold

Or love from afar

But God-forbid (yes God-forbid) They teach you that

Sometimes mirroring another’s cruelty or ignorance is the singular chance to bring them into the Light

But we won’t do that when we’re nice and good and kind

Did They do it to you, too?

Split you in half?

And make you an anxious, shit-eating, people-pleasing robot?

Would you be humble enough to admit it if They did?

Did They have you thinking,

“But I don’t want to hurt their feelings!”

As if intentionally you would set out to do just that?

Jesus, you’re not a sociopath

Fearing narcissism is just another rebellion

A way They get you to stay in reactive states

Instead of integrating

None of us needed all that collective, dismissive, groveling crap

I, for one, will no longer be had

I’ll stab back because there is no one I’ll let split me in half

Ever again

No I’m not going back

I see with new, fierce eyes, clarified

My heart begins to grin, whole at last

And satisfied

Do you want to jump in?

Take my hand

Tie the left to the right and fight

It’s a bloody fucking battle, friend

I’m not gonna lie

But when you get to the other side you’ll realize

The war itself made you Unified

Yes it was war that made you unified

Try that on for size