Remember
When you were so worried you would never find someone?
And now
With Life running through your blood
How very little that matters?
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Work
I see you eating your pastry
Drinking your wine
Laughing, smoking
On kitschy, woven chairs
facing the street
so you may people-watch
or be watched
people turn into atmosphere
I peer in to your vacation-looking lives and think
I’d like to be like you
And laugh and drink and espresso and croissant
and repeat
but inside I know I am not like you
I did not come here for that
I wish I did
(well, maybe)
Oh I wish I did!
(hey, lady — maybe)
But I…
Well
I have work to do
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The Boot
One intentional STOMP
A spurred boot slamming onto an iced-over lake
Sadness breaks through me
the cracks begin slowly
reaching their jagged, frozen fingers through my skin
they quicken
Frigid waters rising
I hear a whisper somewhere
Don’t fall in
Don’t fall in
Those waters aren’t meant for swimming
30 seconds til hypothermia sets in
But then, a different voice speaks:
There is no danger here
I reassure The Whisperer
I am the lake.
And The Thing breaking through me
Is only
Letting Life in
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Familiar
Familiar walks around in your favorite, cozy sweats
With a warm, inviting smile on Her face
She has those trustworthy dimples that Charming People have
Familiar gives the best hugs you’ve ever had
But
Familiar is not your friend
She won’t tell you the hugs She’s giving
Are really full of Take
The comfort She is offering has a price like anything
Familiar will hold you your whole life if you let Her
And , oh, what a gift She gives!
But at the end, old and frail, you’ll gaze back up again
She will hold the Life that was yours
No
Familiar is not your friend
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Your self
Do you ever realize
How much you prevent yourself from yourself?
Oh it’s a lot
A.
LOT.
I can’t tell you
But when you see it —
In this lifetime or the next or maybe even the one after that
It will blow your mind
and make you feel like The Fool of all fools at the same time
It will be like the first time someone showed you
The photo that captures the teensiest sliver of space
Where we are just dots within dots
and even smaller dots within that
And you will think to yourself
Holy fuck
How starving I have been
And how simple to not have known it
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Another Today
Do you feel Her — Our Country?
She is weeping
She is desperate that we come out of such wasteful dissonance
Our Ignorance
I blame you and you blame me
But we are on the same side again This Evil
All this violence erupting
Volcanic bursts of killing
Have we become a nation of amputees?
There is a fine line between waiting and deteriorating
Between Consideration and Paralysis
Have we be become the goddamn avocados of the world?
Too ripe or too rotten
Can we not call a spade a spade
But leave the spades who are not spades out?
What is so hard about that?
Who lies there, in the corner, covered in blood today?
It is your mother and my mother
It is your friend and my friend
Our Nation
Our Country
Our Earth
Our Selves
We cry out in reverberating wails of frustration and sadness and anger
But Know This:
Evil does not only not listen, It thrives on our painful confusion
And so I might remind you now —
Jesus came with a sword
The good warrior knows when to retreat and when to draw
Differentiation is key
You are not the Evil
So listen with me
Let us act in consciousness, together
Let us be These United States
Or tomorrow will just be
Another Today
— KH
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Wanderer
I told him
Sometimes, I am so, so lonely here
Waited for his warm reassurance
But instead he just plainly said,
Get used to it
You were never meant to follow
And I knew then
He was right
And I
was free
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March
I saw a bad movie last night
With a good line —
“You embrace the suck and you move the fuck on”
So today I March
I wake
I ride
I take
I move into the deep flux of my life and say
YES
Okay
Why Not
Today? Tonight? Done. There.
What have I been doing all these years but
Hiding myself within myself
Tricked into the trap of staying there
I have begged my Captor to let me free
But my Captor was me
and I was not listening
Desperate I whispered let me be uncomfortable
I can take it
But he didn’t believe me
And really, how could he?
I was fucking whis-per-ing
It was all I could muster then
But somehow, I dragged my heavy feet through the mud
These last three days
Or 38 years
And I made it to the other side, wiping off the dried fragments of dirt and blood
Throwing those old boots aside
My bare, raw feet stepping down onto the hot coals in front of me
I don’t run or walk or hide
I just set my gaze to the now
And I March
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Impotent
I’m so sick of all the empty talk
You boys forgot how to walk the walk
Where did all the cowboys go
What is all this timidity
All this yes-I-do-but-no-not-really
You reach out but you don’t mean it
and I am so tired of you not meaning it
I don’t want some half-assed fantasy
I don’t want you wanting the idea of me
You ask me out but you don’t follow through
Didn’t you get taught that’s what real men do?
Someone let you down big time, boy
Society or family or hey — blame women wanting equality
I don’t know what the fuck happened
But manhood is lost
Wounded to the point of impotence
And I can’t take more impotence
I’ve got my own to deal with
I want a man who is a man
Who has not lost touch with what makes him that
All these fucking disappearing acts
I don’t believe in any of you anymore
I don’t think you believe in yourselves either
But I can’t fucking do it for you
I can’t do it for you
You have to do it for yourself
And don’t you dare fucking call me until you do
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Fight
There’s a thing They do to you
When they tell you to be good and nice and kind:
They split you in half
Wholeness lost to some ethereal, spiritual idea that Love is all there is
Child, you ain’t that high on the totem pole yet
You gotta work with that ego before you transcend
So, wake up
Or tell me about the world in which you live
I love fantasies
Sometimes, the compassionate thing is to kill
Or withhold
Or love from afar
But God-forbid (yes God-forbid) They teach you that
Sometimes mirroring another’s cruelty or ignorance is the singular chance to bring them into the Light
But we won’t do that when we’re nice and good and kind
Did They do it to you, too?
Split you in half?
And make you an anxious, shit-eating, people-pleasing robot?
Would you be humble enough to admit it if They did?
Did They have you thinking,
“But I don’t want to hurt their feelings!”
As if intentionally you would set out to do just that?
Jesus, you’re not a sociopath
Fearing narcissism is just another rebellion
A way They get you to stay in reactive states
Instead of integrating
None of us needed all that collective, dismissive, groveling crap
I, for one, will no longer be had
I’ll stab back because there is no one I’ll let split me in half
Ever again
No I’m not going back
I see with new, fierce eyes, clarified
My heart begins to grin, whole at last
And satisfied
Do you want to jump in?
Take my hand
Tie the left to the right and fight
It’s a bloody fucking battle, friend
I’m not gonna lie
But when you get to the other side you’ll realize
The war itself made you Unified
Yes it was war that made you unified
Try that on for size
ariaphoenix 